More Fun Than It Sounds Like

Very odd dream

2011-12-15T08:35:00.001-05:00

I really do mean to write light, fun entries for this blog. But since writing entries for this blog at all is such a rare event lately, my 3 readers are just going to have to take what they get.

My dream last night was probably one of the strangest I've ever had. As I woke from it, I remembered that I had dreamt the prequel to it the night before.

The first dream was about a visit to some kind of doctor who told me that I had a condition that required a medical procedure, some kind of surgical thing, I guess. I didn't fully understand. The only thing was that the procedure was sure to kill me.

In the second dream, I had made my peace with the fact that I would die. I had also made an appointment to have the procedure done the following Tuesday. I went through my day to day life, letting people know that this was my last week. It was mostly all very conversational. "Oh, yes. It's treatable, in fact I go in on Tuesday to have it done. I mean, I'll die of course, but, you know..." and the other person might say something like, "Yeah, yeah, my uncle had that, too. He got the procedure that made him die and everything was fine after that."

With some people it was more awkward. I could tell they didn't really want to talk about it, so I didn't press the issue. With some people, I knew they did not want me to have the procedure. It was optional, of course, but if I didn't have it, I would live the rest of my life in this condition. The funny thing is that my condition had no symptoms whatsoever, now that I think of it.

I joked about how I was obviously going to take the week off work and use my credit card for anything I wanted. I was mostly matter-of-fact about the whole thing, but certain things would make me feel emotional about it. When someone suggested I should have lunch at all my favorite places that week, it made me feel very emotional. When I thought about not seeing the next episode of some stupid TV show, it was agonizing. But when I talked with the people I love, I knew that not even my death would separate us; that in some spiritual way, we would all go on together no matter what.

I think it may have been connected to a guest I had at the salon earlier this week, who, for various reasons led me to believe that I might be giving him the last haircut he ever got. Little things like that upset me with regard to death. I read a story about a family losing a child in a freak accident and I feel bad for them all, but it doesn't touch the pain I feel when I read the menu for a death-row inmate's last meal.

Happy Holidays, everyone!

And now for some temporal stuff...

2011-08-25T12:44:00.000-04:00

Because my last two posts were so freaking HEAVY and my day to day life is actually quite light:

I have been trying so hard lately to be conservative with spending money. I have some debt to pay off and I'm also trying to save up for a trip to Japan for next year. So I had pretty much decided that I would not be doing any out of town theme park trips this summer.

But that started to get depressing. And I realized, what is life if not for living? I have a plan to pay off debt and what if it takes six months longer to do it? If I should flee this body in the next year, would it be more important to me to have less debt or to have been to more parks and been on more coasters? A-DUH. Coasters. Please.

So I got online and booked a three-day, two-night stay at Hotel Breakers at Cedar Point in Sandusky, OH. Some of you may remember my last attempt to go to this park and how it involved being evacuated from the hotel in the middle of the night, then waking up to find rain gushing from the sky in such a way as to insure I would not be getting on any coasters that day. Well, I have finally summoned the courage to try again. At the moment, the weather for those three days in Sandusky is sunny and in the high 70s. Dreamy, right?

That trip is going to cost me about the same amount of money as that TV I bought and returned a couple of weeks ago, but that's another post.

There are a couple more fun things potentially coming down the pike, including a trip to DOLLYWOOD (and you know how I love Dollywood) as well as the possibility of a weekend in NYC, including Coney Island. All while still managing to reduce debt and save up for Japan.

Hooray for learning to be balanced!

Lord, have mercy.

2011-08-25T12:18:00.001-04:00

So, we've had a couple of little earthquakes and now we're waiting to see if we get pummeled by hurricane Irene and all social media websites are fairly littered with Christians crying out for the mercy of God and calling in the apocalypse as well as naming it all as the judgement of a god who is angry about how his political agendas are being thwarted.

Seriously, you guys, it's just weather. It happens all the time, all over the world. It comes and goes. Sometimes there's a lot, sometimes a bit less.

I really get concerned when I hear Christians, especially those who have proclaimed themselves to be Christian "leaders" freaking out about these things. When people post things to facebook that basically say, "omg everyone quick repent it's urgent we had an earthquake because god is mad that gays can legally be married in our nations capital and our president doesn't care about israel LORD HAVE MERCY" it makes me wonder if those "leaders" have ever truly heard the gospel or if they even know God at all.

Even if God's very nature wasn't merciful, aren't we all under a covenant of mercy? Do you think God will fail to keep his end of that covenant? And P.S., that WHOLE covenant is on his end. We have no end of the covenant to keep, except to say "thanks" and believe. Sure, there's a bunch of "doing" we can do to make our lives here nicer and possibly win the favor of people, but all our "doing" has very little eternal significance. The best thing we can "do" is park it in the eternal and just "be" with him.

"But what if my house collapses?" It's just stuff. You can get more stuff.

"But what if a bunch of people get killed?" Everyone is going to die. You should know that by now.

"But what if people die who are unsaved?" In truth, you do not know who is saved and who is not and if someone is not saved, there is nothing you can do to save them because you are not the Savior.

All of your worries and all of your fears are in the temporal and you have no control over them anyway. If that makes you feel like life is meaningless or if it scares the crap out of you, that's just an indication that you need God. No big deal. Life is entirely bleak apart from God. Fact.

So everybody simmer down, k?

Because we stay focused, not on what we can see with our human eyes, but on what we cannot see with our human eyes. Because everything we can see with our eyes of flesh is temporary but what we cannot see is what is eternal (and what really matters).

Strongholds

2011-08-07T10:48:00.000-04:00

Certain communities within God's Church regularly take a moment to point out a "stronghold" that is keeping our nation from knowing the truth about who God is.

This is, to me, the greatest of all ironies.

Maybe before God's Church starts calling out freemasons and mormons and witches and buddhists and all the other groups she doesn't like, she needs to look at the way she deceives her own people. She needs to look at the ways she keeps people in bondage, the way she manipulates, the way she withholds truth, tempers truth, waters down truth, the way she lies. She needs to examine her motives and resolve to banish the impure ones. She needs to stop pondering her next PR strategy and start pondering her savior. She needs to stop promoting herself by making such a production of any good work she does. She needs to stop being her own idol.

Maybe she needs to let the temples she's built be torn down and see how God builds them back.

How Much I Love My New Job

2011-07-24T16:51:00.002-04:00

1. It's not really that new anymore, but I've still been there less time than any other salon I worked for before.

2. Lots and lots and lots and lots and lots ad infinitum.

I've been working in salons now for just over 17 years, and a licensed stylist for 15. This is only the fifth salon where I've been an employee. Just prior to starting at Mango, I was self employed for precisely 4 years, during which time I rented chairs at three consecutive locations. I hated moving that much, but one bad decision can lead to years of difficulty. But that's another blog post.

I may have mentioned waaaaay back then that I was apprehensive about returning to being an employee. My previous jobs had been, let's say "uninspiring" to the point that I chose self employment almost as a means of quitting the business more so than advancing in it. I look at those years now as a sabbatical of sorts. A sort of working-just-enough-to-pay-the-bills sabbatical. Which is not really a sabbatical at all, but it sounds better than "I became depressed and lazy about my career and this was the next best thing to getting a government check."

ON TO THE GOOD PART OF THE STORY.

I have a bunch of clients that I have seen ever since I was fresh out of beauty school. They have stuck by me through all of the many changes of locale and personae, and crises and insanitae. I love them all and I hope they stick with me for another 15 years.

In the past, when I have started at a new job or rental salon, they come in for the first time and I just gush about how wonderful the new place is and how I'll stay there forever because it's really so much better than where I was before. Four to six weeks later, they come in again and I tell them how the shine has dulled a bit, but I still really like it and will be there for the long haul. Their third visit usually involves me using the phrase, "The honeymoon is over," and the next time they come in, I'm patiently plotting my exit strategy.

But this April, everything was different. As the clients who know me best (who have had to make many personal adjustments over the last year in order to stay my clients, for which I am perpetually grateful) heard a totally different story. "How long have you been here now?" they'd ask. When I told them I was about to finish my first year, they'd all kind of lower their voice and ask, "So....? Is it still working out?" To which I would gladly let them know:

After a full year of working at Mango, I actually love it more than I did when I started. My coworkers who impressed me at the start can only truly be appreciated after some longevity as I get to know what consistently sweet and interesting people they really are. The management team (which is something no other salon I've ever worked for even had) is so completely dedicated and hard-working and committed to helping me do a better job that, well, I do a better job than I've ever been able to do before. And the owners....Oh my gosh, the owners. They are the sweetest, smartest, funniest, most personable salon owners EVER.

So, yeah. I love it that much.

Happy Anniversary!

2011-07-22T16:48:00.002-04:00

Yes, it's the blessed anniversary of MORE THAN A YEAR SINCE MY LAST BLOG POST. And that is pathetic. I had been wondering why my readership had dwindled. I had been wondering why I didn't see any new words on the page when I pulled up my blog. I had been wondering what I look like now A FREAKING YEAR LATER. I had been wondering how my new job was going. I had been wondering what happened to that girl I was dating. I had been wondering what happened to that other girl I was dating. I had been wondering what happened to those twins I was dating that I didn't know were twins until hilarity ensued.

All these questions and more will be answered over the forthcoming days until I forget how to blog again.

The look on my face in this picture will hopefully communicate to you just how much I mean business.

Health insurance, 401k, paid vacation, here I come.

2010-02-18T08:03:00.000-05:00

Six months ago, if anyone had asked me if I would consider going back to work in a salon, I would have replied an emphatic "No." I liked the freedom of being self employed. I had lots of high hopes and vision for opening my own shop and becoming the amazing boss I always wished for.

But somewhere over the last few months, something began to change. I had been itching to do something more and I assumed that meant it was near time to make the big move and go from renting a small back room to acquiring a proper store front location and hiring a staff.

I started working on a business plan, researching prices on leases, renovations, equipment, salon furniture, blah, blah, blah. The more I thought about what I really wanted, though, the more it began to look like I just wanted to be part of a well-functioning business, rather than at the head of one.

Coming at it from another angle, I was also trying to figure out how I would finance this expansion project. Self employed, I get by. The potential is there to get ahead, but to do the amount of business that would allow me to get ahead causes the rest of my life to slip out of balance. Sure, seeing more clients only adds a few more hours a week to my "behind-the chair" time, but it also adds a higher level of activity outside of the shop with extra phone calls, emails, text messages, supply shopping and whatnot. In other words, if I was making the kind of money I really want to make, I'd be working way more than I want to work.

The simply solution is to charge more money. It's been two years since I raised my prices, so I'm well past due for that. But I'm pretty sure I'm already charging the maximum I can given the environment in which I work. It's just a fact in the salon business that mad hair skills are not enough to command top dollar; you also need atmosphere to justify your price, and atmosphere costs money.

These are the things I was hashing out when I decided that I was tired of hashing out things like this. I suddenly had a deep desire to take a break from thinking about it so much and to just be able to go to work and come home and not think about it again until it was time to go back. I wanted to collect a paycheck that someone else had calculated for me. I wanted someone else to decide what color the walls would be.

I also realized I wanted structure. The freedom of self employment had become a prison. Because I didn't have a structured job, I never really left my work. A day off didn't feel like a day off. It just felt like a day spent putting off a bunch of stuff I really needed to do.

So I sent my resume to a couple of places around town. One place I had worked at before and two places where I didn't really know anyone. I got a phone call from my first choice place a couple of days later to set up an interview with the HR manager. That interview went well enough that I was asked back to meet the owner.

The second interview lasted three hours. It was two hours in before I realized I was being offered a job. We laughed a lot. The owner said it was the most fun she had ever had in an interview. Of course, I said a couple of things that were really stupid and made me seem like a jerk. I guess I can be kind of jerk sometimes. But I guess I also said enough smart and funny things to cover up my jerkiness. It's funny how as I laid awake last night unable to sleep it was only the jerky things I kept replaying in my mind. I mean, a three-hour interview and I spent maybe 75 seconds being a jerk. That's not all that bad a ratio, I guess. Still, I pray that all my jerk speak would be stricken from everyone's mental record.

The reputation of this particular salon is that it is high-end, expensive and snobby. The truth is that while they do strive for a tremendous level of customer service, they have a broad range of prices available and if the disposition of the owner truly sets the tone, there can't be anything at all snobby about them. She is one of the most delightful people I have ever met.

In short, I am being offered a job and I'm 99% sure I'm going to take it. The only thing left is a technical interview wherein I'll take a personality inventory and bring in a model to demonstrate my level of competency. Yes. That is scary to me.

The whole thing is scary to me, actually. I've had some really disappointing experiences working for salons. I've had some really miserable experiences working with other hairdressers. But I have enough evidence of God's hand in all of this that I think I can trust that it's the best thing for me right now.

As far as all those hopes and visions for owning my own shop someday, those aren't canceled. This is just part of that plan, I think. Maybe. I don't know. I might love working at this place and never want to leave.

All I know is that after my interview yesterday, I was excited enough to throw up. But I kept it together.

All it takes is a little light.

2010-01-12T15:20:00.000-05:00

Remember a couple of blog posts when I was wide awake at fourteen-thirty in the morning, kept up by twirly thoughts about a mysterious situation that no one would discuss with me?

Well, I just got back from having lunch with one of the key figures in the situation and am pleased to report that none of the darkness and weirdness was orchestrated by him, in fact, he seems to have been as perplexed by how the situation was handled as I was.

As far as the situation itself goes, yes, some bad stuff happened. People did things they should not have done. Lines were crossed that ought never be crossed and there were multiple failures which served to expose even more failures. And that is all the detail any of my blog-readers need.

But I will say this: I am struck by what a wonderful thing it is to hear the story of someone who has failed, who has let down a ton of people and see that person being as real and honest as they have ever been, even more so; To see no sign of scrambling to fix it, no sign of denial, no making light of it, no sign of simple desperation to return to a position. It was wonderful instead to see the very real Joy of Christ and faith in his redemption still very much alive in the midst of true repentance. I don't think you can really repent without getting kind of happy that repentance is an option.

It's a great feeling to know someone who has failed and to think no less of him, to possibly think even more of him. To think, "I'm glad I know that guy and I'm glad to be his friend," and to honestly believe that I would still gladly go into battle with him, knowing that he fights for the right side.

A large part of why it feels so good to feel this way is that it helps me to believe that people will feel similarly when I fail.

That's sobering. I will fail. I don't know how, I don't know when, but it is inevitable. In some way, I will majorly hurt and offend people I love and care for. And when I do, I hope I will have people around me who will remind me that people who fail honestly can be loved in an even more precious way than people who succeed.

Sharing Some Faith

2010-01-07T10:26:00.001-05:00

Someone who writes a blog I read posted a blogging rule yesterday that says if you want faithful readers you need to be a faithful writer. At first I was sad, because I'm not a terribly faithful writer. Then I realized that was stupid because I've never really had a goal of developing a readership. I don't really know why I do this. I think it's just a public place for me to rant about anything I want and anyone who wants to read it can. If that's only 3 people, that's fine. If that's selfish of me, that's fine too, because believe me, it has only skimmed the surface of my selfishness.

I was thinking the other day about how we as Christians are supposed to share our faith and what a tricky thing that is. A lot of us hear that and proceed to go out handing people tracts (many of which are then passed around as jokes because they are so ridiculous). There are also those who proceed to share their faith by making large signs that say things like "Stop being a college student or you will go to hell." These kind of "witnesses" really ruin it for the rest of us, who would like to just quietly offer a word of hope to someone in need. Too many times I've seen someone who really needed Jesus bristle at the sound of his name and I know the images racing through their head are of "turn or burn" signs and tear-streamed faces topped with bad hair screaming and demanding their money in exchange for a word of hope. Their repulsion is justified, based on their experience of people who call themselves by His name.

I often think of someone who's chewing gum and someone else comes along and tries to shove a mint in his mouth. I mean, we know the mint is better, but wait until they guy's gum goes all gross and rubbery and tasteless and he's about to spit it out anyway...

I realized, though, that's it's almost even more difficult for me to share my faith with others who already identify themselves as Christian. I have a handful (now that I think of it, a rather large handful) of people who I trust know both Jesus and myself fairly well. Those people I can be really honest with and talk about the very real and immediate things God is doing in my life. These people are trustworthy to me because I know they, like I do, rest in the finished work of Christ. We don't always rest perfectly, but we are always striving toward that rest. These are the people I truly consider my brothers and sisters and mothers and fathers.

Then there are the distant cousins.

Firstly, understand that I meet a broad spectrum of Christians from numerous communities. I'm not railing against a particular community. In fact, there are some of these cousins within every group of believers I encounter. I doubt any of them will find their way to this blog, anyway, so this is just between you and me, k?

There are some who, when you mention that you were talking to God earlier today, will kind of go wide eyed for a second and then shut down. They write you off as one of those weirdos who are obsessed with God and who probably do such horrible insane things as speak in tongues and pray out loud. (I'm terribly guilty of both of these infractions, by the way).

But the ones who get under my skin the most are the ones who, when the conversation turns to the things of God, feel the need to correct and instruct and "out-holy" everyone in the room. Their quiet time is better than anyone else's because actual angels show up and minister to them and they see an open heaven and stuff. Their Bible knowledge and ability to quote scripture verbatim is astonishing. I once had someone say to me, "You know, like it says in First John," and then recite the entire book of First John while I just sat there and waited. Ok, that might not have happened, but it's not too far from reality.

I've been invited to lunches that turned out to be sessions of psychoanalysis through the lens of one man's interpretation of scripture. I've said, "I'm doing fine," only to be preached an impromptu sermon on why I should be outrageously joyful at all times, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs over everyone I meet, especially people who ask how I'm doing. I've casually mentioned to a client that I'm a Christian, only to be grilled by that client about my theology. It turns out, according to his standards, I am not a Christian at all because I had a dribbly baptism instead of a dunky one and he said he was sad to inform me that I would go to hell if I died right now. I'm pretty sure the Holy Spirit was rolling his eyes.

I'm also pretty sure that last sentence upset some people because the latest thing is to just say "Holy Spirit," with no "The" because apparently Holy Spirit is his actual name. "How would you feel if people started calling you The Robbie?" they say.

I'd like it very much, really.

I could go on for pages, but the bottom line is always going to be that I just have to get over it. That's what the bottom line always is for me. If I die to myself in this area, then I'll no longer be aware of how annoying people are. At least I hope so. I also really, really, really hope that I'm not one of those people who is always fixing and correcting and teaching other people, regardless of their integrity.

Jesus just loved people. When he taught, he taught because the people wanted him to teach. They didn't always like what he had to say, but they had always asked to hear it. I want to be one who doesn't just go around telling everyone everything I know. How boring. I want to be one who can say the right one word at the right time and keep it shut the rest of the time. If Jesus, who is God, only did what he saw the Father doing, why should any of us just carry on with our own assumptions of who God is and what he wants?

Can't sleep. Thoughts a-twirlin'.

2009-12-21T01:01:00.002-05:00

For some reason, my thoughts have been twirling a lot today around a situation that sort of exploded a few weeks ago. It will be easy for me to put it all in a nutshell and to be very vague about it and not name names, because the reality is that I myself know very little about the situation itself.

A community of people that I love, that I felt very much a part of experienced some kind of crisis. In the midst of said crisis, they circled their wagons and I found myself on the outside of the circle. The knowledge of the details of the crisis itself was within the circle, so I was in the dark as to what exactly had even transpired. Vague enough for you?

The pocket of my heart where I kept that community, having once overflowed with nothing but warm fuzzies and supernatural delights was now stuffed with unanswered questions and a strong sense of alienation.

In a strange way, it was an answer to prayer. I had been seeking God as to whether it might be good for me to move there and join this community full time for a season or two, and I was deeply hoping that his answer would be "Yes." The way things have unfolded, I don't think I could enjoy so much as having lunch there anymore, let alone living and working there.

I had really hoped that I might at some point be filled in a little. These are, after all, people I love and care about. But after a few weeks of silence from the involved parties, I'm losing interest. And the truth is, I'm not entitled to answered questions. I don't deserve to know what kind of crisis puts a gag order on a whole community. And I don't need to understand a community that submits to such a gag order.

Yeah, it burns a little to feel like you belong somewhere and are welcome there and then find out that you are actually considered an outsider. It burns. But it's a glorious thing to have your life tidied up a bit. It's a difficult thing to let a fruit-bearing branch be chopped off, but if it makes the rest of the tree stronger, so be it.

Love is Love

2009-12-19T11:23:00.009-05:00

I belong to a weird little internet community that is loosely based on do-it-yourself electronic music production. Very loosely. It's mostly based on veering off-topic.

Anyway, nobody had actually produced any music in quite a while so someone demanded that everyone complete a new song by the end of the year. I thought it might be nice to take a break from my ep/album/whatever and just run off a quickie. The plan was to do something so simplistic that I could finish it up in a few hours. Three days later (sigh) I had this song here.

The cool thing is that I learned a LOT of cool stuff in the process of making it and am now really inspired to get to work on more stuff.

I just thought since I talk a lot about my neurotic music-making processes here that I should post some actual music so everyone will know that while I am mostly talk, I'm not all talk.

Most Amazing String Arrangement Ever

2009-12-08T15:25:00.004-05:00

I just wrote it, everyone. Actually it's not all that amazing. It just seems like it to me because it's the first one I ever wrote and it actually seems like it's going to work in the song I'm working on. It's very exciting and fun when things work.

Here's how happy I am that it works:

Logic 9 has a really cool Orchestral template that I hope to exploit very much in the future. I think it'll sound pretty convincing once it's all mixed in with the synth stuff. In other words, it won't sound like The Princess Bride soundtrack's cheesy super fake sampled orchestra.

Anyway, this song just uses strings, but I may try to do some brass stuff on other songs. Who knows? With computer magic these days, the sky's the limit.

I can't remember numbers.

2009-12-04T09:07:00.004-05:00

If you tell me the address of someplace, I'll remember the street name, but not what number it is or how many miles away. If I read how much something costs, I can never remember, especially when they put that stupid .99 at the end. JUST SAY $5 AND STOP ALL THIS $4.99 BUSINESS. I also get my millions and billions mixed up and that makes me look stupid sometimes.

I got an email the other day from my bank telling me taxes were due and I had to approve payment by some date. I thought it was December 12, because I saw a 12 on the date thing on my computer. We still haven't had the 12th, yet, in case you were wondering. At any rate, this sent me into a panic because I thought I had 5 days to cough up, uhh, some amount of money I can't remember, but I know there were 4 digits. I just payed all my bills for December so I don't exactly have 4 digits in my business account, and thinking it was the 12th, I thought I had only a couple of days to come up with it.

Did I fail to mention that this is the slowest week I've ever had at work? Someone called last minute to book a color and cut and it doubled my total for the week. That's how slow.

So I teetered on the edge of panicking all day until that client came in and wrote her check. The value of the check wasn't was relieved my panic; it was the date on top of the check. Suddenly, I had ten more days than I thought I had.

Until they resent the email this morning, letting me know I had to approve payment by the 11th. How did I ever think Wednesday was the 12th?

I'm still debating whether or not I should panic about that stupid tax bill. Next week, while not history-making slow, is still pretty slow. [prayer]Please God, all those last minute caller-inners who usually make me insane, please let them call this week.[/prayer]

So that's basically how my week is going.

Ummmm no title.

2009-11-11T19:06:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago, someone suggested that I scale back my album project and turn it into an EP. I said I didn't want to do that, because I had finished a shorter project before (a three-song EP I gave out for Christmas a couple of years ago) and I wanted to branch out and go bigger.

But today, after recording the fourth scratch vocal for this project, I started dreading the prospect of writing and roughly singing seven more sets of lyrics. It's all getting dragged out too long. I listened to some of the other songs today for the first time in a while and I'm totally uninspired by them.

Later, on my way to 7-11 for a thing of Ben and Jerry's Turtle Soup, I had a brilliant idea: Scale back my album project and turn it into an EP! But with five songs. That's bigger than anything I've done, right? It's still moving forward at least.

So I'm going to finish the four new songs I'm working on and rework an old song that I've always thought deserved a little more attention than I gave it the first time around.

I think I've pretty much decided to stop feeling guilty about not working on music more or faster. I mean, it's MY music. I don't have a contract with anybody or anything. I don't know why I work so slowly/neurotically. I just do. I have a friend who can literally produce songs more frequently than BMs. That's his way of going about business. I finish an average of (just guessing here) three songs a year since I started making music.

Anyway, I'm waiting for a new piece of equipment to arrive and then it's make-it-work time for the backing tracks, which is my favorite part, I think.

It's just like that.

2009-11-06T13:00:00.007-05:00

I struggle constantly to find the balance between need for inspiration and willingness to just buckle down and get it done. Not only in the creative process, either. When I'm inspired to clean my bathroom, I really enjoy doing it, the time taken flies by, and it is immensely satisfying. Sadly, I'm only really inspired to do it every couple of years, so I have to kind of do agonizing grumpy touch ups in-between.

I write this because I just had one of those A-HA! moments working on the lyrics for a song. (Not the "Take on Me" A-Ha. I WISH I had those kind of songwriting moments.) I'd been kind of kicking stuff around in my head for several days, as well as kicking myself in the ass for not just sitting down and getting the words written so I can hurry up and sing the demo. But I couldn't bring myself to sit down and do it. Suddenly, a twist on the original idea I had hit me and I couldn't help but get to work on it. In five minutes, I reworked the first verse and wrote the second (I've had the chorus done for ages). The end result is only about a million times better than where I had been heading with it before.

So, I guess what I learned today is to only ever do what I feel like doing.

Just kidding. I know that I might have never gotten to the point where these lyrics worked if I hadn't been rolling the ideas around in my head. I guess what I really learned is that rolling ideas around in your head counts as work.

Interesting, unrelated side note: Every single time I write a blog post, I have to go through and edit out my excessive use of the words "just" and "that." Actually, I've just changed the title so that this paragraph is no longer unrelated.

(See that last sentence? That's how they all are until I edit.)

And now for a random picture of what I look like today.

More boring music stuff

2009-10-28T10:12:00.004-04:00

...for the sake of accountability. You all know how much I loooooove accountability. Actually, I do love healthy accountability. But I've seen an awful lot of unhealthy people "holding each other accountable" and even been one of those people.

How do you know if you're being held accountable in a healthy way? Well, the health of an accountability relationship is inversely proportional to the number of times the word "accountability" is used in the context of that relationship. The healthiest accountability partners don't usually even know they are your accountability partners. However, if someone calls you up to schedule an accountability meeting (and refers to it as such), you should decline and offer them the number of your favorite licensed professional counselor.

"Hold you accountable..." hm, I think that phrase needs to go into some lyrics somewhere...

Speaking of songs and lyrics...(and excessive ellipses...)

I just finished recording a VERY wonky scratch vocal for a heart breaking ballad. Nothing like a heart breaking ballad with a wonky vocal. It turns heartbreak hilarious, and I LOVE hilarious things.

So this is only the third song. I know, I know. I said on Sunday that I was going to record three scratch vocals on Monday, which would have made this the fifth song. Well, I only did one on Monday. I guess I have to be held accountable now. Here's a little secret about me: I'm super ambitious before it comes to actually doing something. Then I record one verse of a song and one chorus and then I need to take a little break for 9 hours or so and then there's no more time in the day to record the other two songs I meant to record. So see, it's not my fault. It's because the day is not long enough to contain my doing stuff time and my recuperation time.

So I only did 33.3% of what I set out to do on Monday. But guess how much I had planned to do today. NOTHING. And now I've done something, which is infinite% more than what I had planned to do. So I think that more than balances out.

They let you do it twice a day if you need to.

2009-10-25T20:56:00.003-04:00

Well, my first STRAG session went great. I changed a couple of things about my setup to make tomorrow go even smoother. My friend Paul Sell will be elated to know that I've raised the mic so that I will now sing standing up instead of sitting on my couch hunched over my coffee table.

I also started prepping for tomorrow. I've got words for the next two and a half songs, so I hope to get all three sung by tomorrow evening. Finishing off the scratch vocals for the first song made me a little excited about the whole thing. It's true that they just don't feel like songs to me until they have words. I'll never start with the backing tracks again.

One of the songs for tomorrow is kind of a funny song about how Christians have gotten accustomed to using certain pat phrases over and over. Doing a little research, I just read this on someone's blog: "Join a prayer team. It is a treasure trove of Christianese vocabulary. Intercessors are the literati of Christianese. They wield a command of the nuances of the language that most Christians never understand. They can combine ordinary words like “walls, standing, tearing, gathering, anointing, clouds, heavenlies, earth, wind, fire, rain, and eagles” in ways that will give you goosebumps even though you have no idea what just happened."

Does anybody have any favorite "Christianese" clichés? I'm working on lyrics for this song and I am, of course, drawing a blank. Just throw anything out...things like, "traveling mercies" and "hedge of protection"... those things that roll off our tongues so easily and mean nothing to the majority of the world. I promise it's not going to be a mean song. Maybe a little mean. It'll be kind of like telling someone the truth in love. OOH! That's a good one!

Not that mean.

Short term, Realistically Attainable Goal Number One.

2009-10-25T16:30:00.002-04:00

Or, STRAG #1, if you like.

To record, at the very least, one scratch lead vocal track for each of the potential songs for the album I'm working on by the end of this week. This means, of course, that all songs will have to have lyrics. It seems like a lot, but I have very low standards for what the vocals need to sound like. They can be pitchy, crackly, noisy, I don't care. They just have to be there.

I just set up a VERY simple vocal recording rig. In order to avoid potential distractions, I am moving myself away from my desk and it's 24" iMac. It's so pretty, sometimes I just stare at it for hours, accomplishing nothing. So I've plopped my trusty laptop onto my coffee table with an audio interface and mic and that's it. I even designed a highly utilitarian template in Logic that does not have any synths at all in it. Just 8 mono audio tracks to record vocals to and one stereo track for the demos I'll be singing along to.

Already I've ruined my own plan, of course. As I finished burning a disc of the demos on the iMac to bring over to the lappy, I remembered that I had decided to change the key of the very first track. Its melody will never accommodate my narrow baritone as it is and needed to be dropped about 3 half steps. For a moment, I thought I'd make a concession and just import the whole project but then I thought, "IRREGARDLESS!" The theme of this week is imperfect presence, as opposed to imagined perfection. So the demo for this song will have a strained uncomfortable vocal track. So what. Nearly nobody is ever going to hear it. It's just for me to play in my car to get more ideas of how to make the whole thing better. I'll just work on it in the wrong key and then transpose everything down before I record the better-possibly-final vocal.

So it's going to be a pretty busy week. I hope my neighbors are cool with hearing my voice all crackly and pitchy and with no effects or background tracks. Actually, I don't care if they are. They play horrible music at all hours of the night. I honestly think they were playing Rusted Root last weekend.

On another subject:

When I was little, I used to get so excited about things like birthday parties and Christmas that I would actually throw up. I thought I had outgrown this. But the other night, I was doing some recreational praying with my bestest bunch of friends ever and I actually got so excited praying that I had to run to the bathroom and throw up.

Just think about that for a minute.

Album 1.0

2009-10-22T09:40:00.002-04:00

I'm working on an album.

There, I've said it. Out loud, on the internet. Now people will ask me about it and at some point I will have to finish it.

I've written (loosely) about 10 or 11 songs. They're all kind of rough sketches and several of them flat out suck. Some have potential. Who am I to judge? All I have to do is program some background tracks, sing them, mix them down and we're done. Simple. Not really. I forgot all the neurosis that goes on in between. They don't all quite have words. Some have words that I hate. A couple have basslines and drum tracks. They all have chord changes and melodies.

At the moment, I cannot seem to make myself sit down and work on it at all. I really want to, I think, and I think about it a lot. But there's a disconnection between my intention and the reality of putting my fingers on the buttons. I don't know if it's fear of failure or laziness or both. Probably both and more, but really I should just get over it. I've written songs before that people liked. This album has the potential to be the best thing I've ever done.

Then again, it also has the potential to be really mediocre, even if I work as hard on it as I can work. I think that's what stops me. I don't know if the work I put in will be worth the outcome.

Some people would say I need medication.

2009-10-18T08:35:00.004-04:00

It doesn't matter where you go. What matters is who you are and why you go there.

Adventure is short-lived. Any new place is an adventure for a little while and then you settle in to normal life. It's a sad, disconnected person who scoots off to the next adventure every time life starts to seem tedious or difficult.

A lot of Christians are like that in their relationship with God. If they don't have bottle rockets going off every five minutes, they think something's wrong. Much of a sheep's life is spent just eating and pooping. Not a lot of sparkle there, but that's life. We are his sheep.

I've heard people who do a lot of power evangelism say that after a while, gold teeth and tumors falling off and limbs growing back gets kind of boring. It's their personal intimacy with God that sustains them. It's the quiet day-to-day knowing of him that is their reason to go where they go and do what they do.

I'm not writing all of this to anyone in particular...it's just that when someone is struggling with life, a very typical Christian response is a lot of unrealistic encouragement toward some big fantastic explosion that may never happen. A lot of times, much to our dismay, God's plan is for our circumstances to stay exactly like they are while our character is changed instead. And character changing happens very slowly. We don't even really see it for years and years. We may never really see all of it.*

Or if we find ourselves somewhere we don't necessarily want to be, we constantly proclaim that we are only there "for a season" until our REAL [amazing, glorious, glamorous] purpose comes to fruition. Everyone who is anywhere is only there for a season.

Just some early morning ramblings before I've had my second cup of coffee.

*Hopefully, we stop looking for change at some point and learn to simply abide.

2009-10-15T14:06:00.002-04:00

Earlier this year, I started up a relationship with a delightful girl that really kind of made spring and summer happen. We did bunches of road trips and rode tons of coasters and it was probably about the best six months I've had in long time and then it was over. Close friends know all the nuances of the overness and I don't want to lay it all out here on the internet, anyway. But let it suffice for me to say that neither of us really wanted it to be over, but I knew that it was. It's been a pretty rich few weeks for me since then, processing all the feelings and trying to understand. It's a process that has brought me a little closer to God and a little closer to some friends. I still have no regrets about anything.

As much as I want to remain friends with her, I completely understand that it probably won't happen, not any time soon anyway. In some ways I miss her and in some ways it seems like it was all kind of a dream. She's on with her life and I'm on with mine. I can't help but think our paths will cross again and I wonder what that will be like.

I can't believe I just talked about "paths" like that. I'm going to go throw up right now.

A video snapshot of life on the TPR bus

2009-08-16T20:56:00.001-04:00

www.themeparkreview.com

Melting/Melding

2009-06-07T08:41:00.001-04:00

I have given you a kind face
and as I peer into the eyes I imagined,
you take possession of them.

The sparkle I granted you is not abolished,
but enhanced by a tempestuous blaze that burns passionate
blue white; hot enough to kill or to die.

I swoon as the heat stabs my core.
It blossoms into an ecstasy that fills and overflows
and keeps on pouring and churning.

Releasing with all my strength to collapse into the arms
that I made strong but have now turned invincible,
I hang like liquid collected over them.

Reveling in my frailty, I melt and melt
until I'm sure I'm gone but then I melt more,
reveling in your eternal brawn.

Within a moment, my loathsome weak strength returns
and I stand, refreshed, renewed, restored,
Reminded of Who it is for whom I live.

Taste the Rainbow

2009-04-10T08:26:00.005-04:00

I tried to think of a catchy title and that's the first thing that popped into my head. Let's sort this out. It's from a commercial:

Taste the rainbow of fruit flavors
Skittles, skittles, bite-size candy.

Natalie's dog's name is Skittles and I guess she must be on my mind a lot. Skittles, that is. I mean, Natalie's on my mind, but I'm pretty sure it's Skittles that I'm really trying to please. Skittles seems to have more power. Here she is:

Here are some more random pictures from my phone with little captions to sum up various moments of my recent life.

We went to Busch Gardens and Natalie took bunches of pictures. Here she is taking pictures of Loch Ness Monster. Nessie jackhammers coming out of the loops and makes me feel like my vertebrae are clacking together. Awesome!

We went bowling in Roanoke Rapids, NC. Neither one of us bowled as well as Obama. Is there anything that man can't do perfectly?

Just cutting it was a pleasure.

Aaaaaand baby head. It was $14. We passed it up and I have regretted it so many times since.

I love how I promised to blog more and then didn't blog at all for 2 months.

I also keep saying that I want to write and record some songs.

If I say I want to do something but then don't do it, do I really want to do it? Is this a Romans 7 moment I'm having?

Tiny Pie!

2009-02-07T09:19:00.004-05:00

I got a very special pie from a very special girl today. It is a miniature apple pie with Gruyere baked into the crust. She originally made it as a full size pie a few weeks ago and posted a blog about it, prompting me to propose to her. I really had no choice. If you had read any of her previous blogs or seen her trip report from Fahrenheit opening day at Hershey, or if you had had the fantastic opportunity to ride Rolling Thunder or Batman the Ride with her at Six Flags Great Wasteofacouplehundredbucks, this pie blog would have pushed you over the edge, too. I'm just a man.

So to have my very own pie mailed to me should let you know just how far we've come. As a matter of fact, I'm going down to NC to see her sometime Valentine's Day weekend. We haven't ironed out all the details yet. It may not be the actual official day, but that's just coincidence anyway. It would be the same as if it were Martin Luther King Day. In fact, that might be better.

After all, wasn't St. Valentine beheaded or something? Is that what we're really saying when we say, "Be my Valentine?"

"Have your head chopped off for me to prove your love."

NEW BLOG POST (believe it or not)

2009-02-05T23:57:00.004-05:00

I really really do want to get back in the habit. So here's what I've been up to lately:

I found a new monastery that I like better than Richmond Hill. Sorry you had to find out this way, Richmond Hill, but that's how it goes. Livingstone Monastery just has it going on for me in ways that you don't. I had an awesome time at a retreat there last weekend and I fully intend to return for an individual retreat sooner rather than later.

That secret crush I had on a girl on the internet is out in the open now. Even she knows I have a crush on her, I think. We talk on the phone. It's very exciting and awkward and wonderful. I'm trying to figure out when I can go visit her in person. *sigh* So much excitement. I wonder if she reads this blog or even knows about it?

I love the church I'm attending now, Area 10 Faith Community, www.churchatthebyrd.com. I've done sound there a few times and it's very VERY different from anywhere I've ever done sound before. They have a rotating schedule of sound guys so we do two Sundays on in a row and then are off for four Sundays. It's really fun mixing there because, A. You can actually mix there. and B. You get four Sundays off in between. I'm just saying.

I'm also hosting/leading a small group once a week at my apartment. I had my first meeting tonight. Four people showed up and no one ate any snacks. I was supposed to have 7 and they were supposed to enjoy the snacks. Well, one guy ate one chicken tender. I think he ate it just to be polite. I don't think I've ever gone someplace where snacks were being served and not had anything. They were the kickass chicken tenders that Janet used to make, too. The regular ones, not the buffalo ones.

Speaking of Buffa Lo, Robbie II has been on a personal retreat in Short Pump. I understand he's having a wonderful time. I just hope they know he's only for decorative use only.

Snack failure aside, I think the meeting went well. Everyone seemed to really get something out of it and have a good time.

Work is good in some ways and really dumb in others. More on that later. No, really, I mean it. I'm going to blog some more.

This was supposed to go up 2 weeks ago...

2009-01-02T15:39:00.000-05:00

I was wondering why there hadn't been any comments. I guess the email
didn't send or something.

Anyway, Terry Aima said I needed to blog more, so here she is. And
she's right. But I guess we weren't ready for this two weeks ago.

Smells like olives,

2008-12-05T12:44:00.000-05:00

Tastes like bacon.

Zach and Sam

2008-12-04T19:19:00.001-05:00

Sam didn't pee on Zach.

Yet.

Sam has proven his love to me...

2008-12-04T19:08:00.001-05:00

With pee.

"And you're always busy..."

2008-12-04T13:59:00.000-05:00

"Busy, busy, busy scissors, ooh, oh-oh-oh, hairdresser on fire..."

Lunch

2008-12-04T13:01:00.000-05:00

Hooray!

Last weekend at Serenity

2008-12-04T10:20:00.000-05:00

Santa threw up.

I almost forgot how to do this

2008-12-04T09:23:00.000-05:00

I'm committing to posting at least 5 pictures today.

New Rule

2008-11-24T14:54:00.003-05:00

No power sawing in the living room.

I've been working on putting this closet organization thingie in my bedroom closet so that I can, uh, organize my closet. It was supposed to take me two hours to do it all last Wednesday, but then it ended up taking me two hours to rip the old closet out. Then I was really busy Thursday, Friday and part of the day on Saturday. So for a couple of days, I just had all of my clothes (not just hangy clothes, because my foldy clothes had previously been on shelves and boxes in my closet--ALL my clothes) all over the place. The couch, the floor, one side of the bed, the other floor...So I finished it all up on Saturday except I needed a single shelf to go all the way across the top.

I went to Home Depot to get a shelf last night, but I didn't buy it because, well, that's just how I roll. I like to make two trips out of everything. At least two trips. Actually, my life is now just a series of trips to Home Depot with a couple of other things to do in between.

"Why didn't you just go to Lowe's today, Robbie?" you may ask. "There's a Lowe's 5 minutes from where you live and Home Depot is, like, 15 minutes away."

I KNOW. So I went to Lowe's today and they didn't have the right length of shelf. I needed 56.5 inches of shelf. Lowe's had 48" and then 91." Home Depot had 72" for $2 less than Lowe's's 91". So you can see how it made perfect sense for me to leave Lowe's and drive 20 minutes (passing home) and go all the way out to Home Depot in order to save $2. Also, I don't know how I would have gotten a 91" piece of melamine shelving into my car. I struggled enough with the 72" piece. Also, there's a Chipotle right by the Home Depot I go to (Chesterfield Town Center).

So I got to use my power saw for the first time ever. I've had it for a couple of years. It came with a set including a drill and a flashlight that all use the same batteries. I don't know how I lived life before I owned a drill. Today I'm really glad I had that saw. And I'm glad that I have a shop vac.

I really liked using the saw, so if you have anything you need sawed, I'll be more than glad to come out and cut some stuff up for you.

Advent Conspiracy

2008-11-23T12:25:00.002-05:00

Lots of you have already seen this, probably. I think it's pretty awesome in many ways.

Wow. Just wow.

2008-11-14T09:34:00.003-05:00

I don't even know quite what to make of this story.

I can't imagine what I would do in such a situation. The whole thing is somewhat distressing, but I'm really glad that they picked a church of true Christ lovers to assault in this way.

It would be a totally different thing if this had happened in one of the "radical right" churches that actually speak the hate-speech that ends up being attributed to the body of Christ at large. On a sick, weak, human level, it would seem that a kind of justice had been done.

But here is God's justice: The "punishment" that the activists wish to execute does not go to the ones who would seem to deserve it. It goes to the ones who can withstand it and who will not retaliate but will instead offer up prayers for their attackers.

Amazing.

I just got my heart re-melted.

2008-11-12T07:36:00.002-05:00

This is a multimedia experience centered around a word from Graham Cooke. It says in the title that it's "mostly for women." I don't get that at all. I think it's mostly for anybody who has ears and eyes. Besides, anyone who knows me knows that I am secure enough in my true masculinity that I don't have a problem with being God's Woman.

Anyway, enjoy.

Well, I've learned something.

2008-11-04T13:10:00.004-05:00

When you post pictures from your iPhone to your Blogger Blog, you must put the caption before the picture in the post. It seems that any text that comes after the picture is just done away with. Meanwhile, text that you put above the picture somehow ends up below it.

Other than that, I can't tell you anything because either I don't understand or it's a secret. I'm not even sure which, in this case.

Spicy tomato soup with grilled cheese.

2008-11-04T12:28:00.000-05:00

James Talley is working hard.

2008-11-04T12:24:00.001-05:00

EXPERIMENT!!

2008-11-04T12:19:00.000-05:00

I think I have figured out how to blog from my phone so that I can
offer up to the minute news and information in a non-facebook
environment.

I shall now attempt to post some words as well as pictures.

Awesome Apartment Pictures

2008-10-15T20:55:00.004-04:00

Those aren't pictures of my apartment, of course. I just googled "awesome apartment" and this is what I found. My apartment is in no condition to be unveiled to the world yet. I'm not ashamed of it's messiness, no. For the first time in my life, I have a great excuse for messiness. I don't have enough places to put things. I need some shelves and stuff and I've got plans, just not the $ to make it happen yet.

Also, for those who don't know, I haven't exactly closed on the mortgage yet. Yeah. I know. It was supposed to happen on the first. Then it was supposed to happen last Friday, then yesterday at 4:30, then this morning at 11:30. I know. Talk to the people who push the papers around. I'm ready to go. I don't know what their problem is.

Meanwhile, the new church thing is working out great. I'm already beginning to see God's hand in the move, relieving doubts and making things really exciting in the way that only He can do. God kicks ass.

Life is so crazy and mine just feels really fat right now. I don't know how else to explain that. I'm simultaneously experiencing more joy and more pain than I've ever known possible, as well as more peace about all of it.

I don't know what else to say.

No time for a title today

2008-09-29T08:02:00.003-04:00

Yesterday I was unpacking some stuff and I got excited because I found the dock for my camera. I immediately decided to snap a bunch of pictures of my new apartment in its current state of disarray and post them here. I thought that might make a nice ongoing theme for a little while: "Watch the progress of the apartment coming together."

It would also force me to actually get it together. I know me. I'm capable of giving up in about 3 days and come spring I could still be living out of boxes. But posting pictures for all of my friends to see is encouragement to get things done, somehow. People will be asking when the next update is coming and I don't want to face the shame of saying that I haven't done anything at all toward settling in for over a month because I'm too busy catching up on back episodes of "Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List" on YouTube.

But the abrupt end of the story came when I realized that I didn't know where my camera was. I thought about using my phone to take some more pictures. But this is a situation where phone pictures won't do. So that's next on my agenda, next time I have time to work on the place, that is. Today is mostly a busy and long day.

This blog is not dead.

2008-09-26T08:39:00.003-04:00

It's just resting up a bit. I'll find a horrible picture of me just to prove it.

Ok, it's not horrible, but it is a picture of me in my Zankou shirt which, after only 17 hours and 36 minutes in my high efficiency front loading washer, no longer has a chocolate caramel ice cream stain on it.

Image #123, by request

2008-09-05T20:26:00.004-04:00

I was preparing to go on my coaster vacation, which included a special day long event at Canada's Wonderland called "Behemoth Bash." Some people on a coaster message board were discussing the upcoming bash and doing a bit of a roll call. One guy PM'd me and said that he'd like to meet up that day, if possible and we agreed to swap pictures so we'd be able to shout each other out if we saw each other.

So I snapped a quick picture using Apple Photo Booth and sent him this:

I told him that I would look like that while I was staring up at Behemoth. Behemoth looks like this:

See why I'd be gazing upward with a look of purest glee?

It worked, anyway. As I waited in line for the Boomerang (which was terrible), I heard someone say, "Hey are you Robbie?" I looked to see the guy that I sort of recognized from the somewhat recent (in a 20 pounds ago kind of way) photo that he had sent me.

Hooray technology!

I have a whole slew of Photo Booth photos, taken from the time I got this computer up to the present, that I just had to shuffle through in order to find this one. They're rather ridiculous one after the other. I should post a slide show...

The Fun Kind of Stressful

2008-09-03T21:10:00.003-04:00

I started packing up my apartment today. It's looking more and more certain that I'll be getting that condo I was hoping for. I don't fully understand what the hold-ups are and what exactly is changing. I assume there's a whole lotta math being done. Honestly, I just don't care at this point. Meh. Condo-shmondo. I was kind of looking forward to Kosmo Village, even though it's a little woodsy.

So in 3 weeks, I'll be outta here. I've lived in this apartment for 5 full years. That's crazy. CRAZY. Anyone who's known me for very long knows that in my first 8 years in Richmond, I lived in 89 different apartments, all within a few blocks of each other, then I spent a couple of years squatting in the homes of 17 different families from various churches that I was involved with, then I almost got married, then I finally settled into this little man-cave on Stuart Avenue. *sigh* Good times. Well, times nonetheless.

So I'm excited about moving either way.

I'm in the middle of taking the VHDA Homeownership Education Course online. I have to read a chapter and then take a quiz, repeat 6 times. If I don't get 80% correct on the quiz, I have to take it over before I can move on to the next section. My second lender (Lender #1) said something about only getting two tries to pass and then I have to wait six months before trying again. That has me slightly panicked. So far, though (I've only taken 2 out of 6 sections), I've gotten 100%. Go me. This is right up my alley: read, quiz, stress, instant gratification. Now that I'm on a streak, I'll be devastated if I miss a question. Pending devastation about something that doesn't really matter but sort of does is really exciting.

Here are some screenshots of when I passed the first two sections:

Ooh! You should click on the pictures to see the full-size so you can see my awesome scores.

I'm so ashamed of the level of self promotion in this blog...so ashamed. Please--if you've read it, don't tell me you have. I won't be able to look you in the eye.

I'm going to try to keep it brief...

2008-08-29T08:17:00.003-04:00

...but probably fail.

So, I'm trying to buy a house, in case you didn't know.

I looked at a sweet little condo at the end of July. I liked it, I spent a few days doing paperwork and gathering information for a lender, dropped it in the mail and then went on a rollercoaster riding blowout on a bus with 50 other coaster weirdos and had the most fun I'd ever had in a single week.

I came home to a rather quiet week, since my real estate agent went on vacation the day I got home.

At the end of that week, I got a voicemail from the lender saying that he could not approve me for this mortgage. I was devastated for a season. Well, a couple of hours anyway. But then I heard this song in my head that goes "Don't give up, don't give up, don't give up." So I decided not to give up. I put my car up for sale in order to reduce my debt ratio, which seemed to be the problem, and called the lender to leave him a message that said, "I'm not giving up." I then proceeded to spend three more weeks jumping through hoops for this guy.

My car wasn't selling and I was getting discouraged because the hoops kept getting higher and smaller and even though I wasn't giving up, I just couldn't jump any more. So I emailed my agent and he gave me the name of another lender.

I met with lender number 2, who was far more personable and understood my plight. He did not make me do hours of homework. I just had to bring in taxes and stuff, which he made copies of. It was good to meet face to face with someone who was really friendly and honest and explained things rather than just saying, "Here's another hoop that MIGHT help."

But then he was like, "Mmmmm, I can't do it."

So then I emailed my agent again and said that lender number 2 probably couldn't do it and how about we start looking at properties in a lower price range. I knew that a lower price range would mean the semi-hood and probably not that nice of a house, but after a month of flagrantly displaying my finances on paper to strangers and straining with all my might to obtain a mortgage, I am refusing to just retreat and go back to renting. I will buy an Airstream and park it at Kosmo Village before I sign one more lease with another thieving bastard VCU-leeching slumlord.

*deep breath*exhale*

So yesterday, my agent emails me and said he was just on the phone with lender number 2 (who is really lender number 1 in my book) and that they had just had some kind of breakthrough (that was the word he used) in my situation and that it looked like I was going to be approved. I pictured a whole team of guys in suits gathered around a computer looking at my paperwork and punching in numbers all leaning in and tense and then some guy looking at the paperwork is like, "OMG how did we miss this? Try these numbers!" and then they punch those in and the computer screen starts to flash with the word APPROVED in multicolored letters and they all cheer and high-five each other and start calling their loved ones on their blue-tooth headsets to let everyone know they got the job done.

At any rate, like I told my sister, I won't believe it until I've put up my second Christmas tree there.

The edge was nice and all, but...

2008-08-17T22:20:00.002-04:00

I don't stay near it for long, these days. Honestly, when I first got the news about my loan being denied, I was in crisis mode for about six hours (which is ages for me, anymore). There was a time in my life when such news might have thrown me into a slump for weeks.

But really, within a couple of hours, I remembered one of my favorite phrases. "Don't give up." So I called the loan guy and left him a message basically saying, "I'm not giving up." I'm hoping to find out from him just what I need to do to get in a position that will make him want to loan me money and then do whatever I can to do it.

Right now, it looks like selling my car would solve the whole thing, basically. It's just a matter of finding a buyer tout de suite. I've been thinking of selling my car for several months now, anyway. I hardly ever really need it in my day to day life and it is kind of a large expense. I've priced it just below Kelley Blue Book value and if I am able to get that, it will not only get rid of the auto loan, but also leave enough cash that I could probably manage to do away with another creditor as well.

Also, if God decided to make it rain twenty dollar bills in my living room, that wouldn't be bad either.

So tomorrow I'm going to Busch Gardens with an internet friend turned real friend who is afraid of roller coasters. It is my intention to introduce him to Apollo's Chariot and see to it that they hit it off. I think it will be fine. I might take a camera so you can all share in the joy of the day with me, Will (nikmis), Kasey and Nicole.

Near the edge

2008-08-14T22:16:00.002-04:00

Yesterday, I got an email from my real estate agent's assistant telling me that she had spoken with the mortgage guy who told her that he didn't see any problem with my paperwork and that my loan should be underwritten by friday. Hooray! I'm buying a condo! Homeownership at last! Finally, an opportunity to right so many financial mistakes I've made and a great leap forward into my financial future.

But then this afternoon I got a voicemail from the mortgage guy saying that my debt to income ratio was just too great and that he was sorry but there's no way he can approve the loan.

Once again, I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I feel sick. I feel like a complete failure.

Meanwhile, I've already given up my apartment. I don't know if they've found a renter already or not, but I do know that they are raising the rent far beyond what I'm willing to pay for this dump.

What the hell.

No album. No school. No condo. What the hell.

The crushing feeling I have in my chest is not about not being able to afford school or not getting the condo I wanted. It's about my relationship with God. Why do I keep heading off thinking he's totally in something, sure I'm making prayerful and wise decisions, confident in his favor toward me, only to find myself hitting yet another dead end? Am I spiritually deaf? Am I ignorant of his will? Am I delusional? Have I ever heard My Shepherd's voice?

I have to believe that it's my hearing and understanding that suck. If I'm being crushed, it's not because God wants to teach me some cosmic mysterious lesson or just twist my head around. I believe that God does not tease. I believe that if God wants me to know something, he is well capable of making it known to me.

'Disappointment' doesn't touch it...

What. The. Hell.

Ridiculous fun

2008-08-09T12:48:00.002-04:00

I'll try to go through some of my pictures later. I just don't have it in me right now.

So, my whole plan for blogging on the bus didn't work out so much, mainly because the bus times were almost as much fun as the parks. I mostly hung around with a couple of guys from Australia and one from England. They say things funny. Sometimes just dead wrong. But they were mostly OK. I hate it when I love people who live across an ocean or in another hemisphere.

Actually, I didn't really get stuck in one group. I kind of floated. That's typical of me. I loved the bigger groups, but sometimes, I just couldn't keep up. I met a couple of guys from Long Island who were very cool and laid back. And then there was the large mixed-bag group that included an indie celebrity. She bought me a cookie at Canada's Wonderland. Besides Behemoth and Vortex, that cookie was the only other really good thing about Canada's Wonderland.

I'll get to see them all again this Wednesday, probably, because they are doing the whole East Coast trip (I was only doing, the add-on, you see) and they'll be at Kings Dominion. Then I'll probably only see them again when I take my next TPR trip, which I will definitely do.

I didn't take very many pictures because a DVD full of pictures and videos is included in the trip cost. I hate keeping up with a camera at a park, so I decided to just let others take the photos. After we left each park, they'd collect memory cards from everyone and pool all the pictures together. The only pictures I took were with my phone. They're ok. There were some excellent photographers on the trip and I'm pretty mediocre, so I figured let the ones do it who do it well.

There's really not much point to this blog entry except to say that I had a freakin' blast and I can't wait to do another one. One of the trips they have planned for next year is to Scandinavia. I feel in my heart that I basically have to go. It's going to cost about a billion dollars, though. There must be a way. There must.

A couple of terrible pictures from today...

2008-08-03T00:07:00.004-04:00

Firemen.

No breakfast yet. The fire alarm was going off at this point. Notice the lack of care. (That's my roommate on the far right.)

Receiving our official TPR bag o' crap.

Getting instructions on the bus.

My first park ticket.

Elissa didn't like the spinning coaster.

I got 4 new coasters tonight. One was a kiddie coaster that I'm very ashamed of. We had to find kids to ride with us. O, the shame. But I got on it and many were unable to do so. I feel a little accomplished. The details of that story are best told in person. Let's leave it at that.

the bus is moving!!!!!!

2008-08-02T11:01:00.002-04:00

So, there was a kerfuffle this morning over whether or not we got breakfast for free. They were not prepared to do the buffet, let alone prepare it for about 40 people.

Then the fire alarm went off. For a long time. All during breakfast. Iwish I could capture the sureality of the moment for you. We never found out what the problem was. Does that remind anyone of anything?

So we're on the bus now and on our way to Seabreeze park which is in...someplace far away. This is our only superlong busride. I'll update this with pictures later.

Hooray!!!!

Off to a...well, a start of some kind.

2008-08-01T21:57:00.004-04:00

If only I'd left an hour earlier, I wouldn't have gotten caught in the stand still on 95 that took place due to an accident only about an hour and a half after my departure. If not for that stand still, I would have not gotten caught in DC's early rush hour and consequently Baltimore's late rush hour. A drive that couldawouldashoulda taken 4 and a half hours took 7 and a half hours. And I only stopped ONE TIME to pee and have a cheeseburger. That was somewhere outside of Baltimore before I nearly killed myself and many others in a rigmarole involving trying to get from 295 to 95 with contradictory signs posted all over and GPS that lies.

So I arrived at the hotel, not a leisurely 3 or so hours before the meetup, but a leisurely 20 minutes. Just enough time to check in, put my bags in the room and meet the portion of the group that had arrived.

We hung out in the hotel bar, waiting for everyone to arrive, then headed over to Denny's. When we arrived at Denny's we discovered that the power was out there. A truck had hit a pole or something. So we headed back to the hotel bar, where a guy said there was a pizza/calzone/cheesesteak place a couple of blocks the other direction. On our way there, we saw the power come back on down the road with our hotel (which never lost power).

While we all (3o or so of us) sat waiting at the cheesesteak place, the power went out again. Here we all are, leaving.

It was strange because it was in a quiet little residential neighborhood and kids were standing out in the road on their bikes calling to their friends to come see all these people who were walking though.

So we went back to the hotel bar, which had exactly 2 people working to serve everyone. I wasn't hungry because my one stop at 5pm included a quick visit to Five Guys.

I had a couple of Sam Adams (yuck) in the bar and talked a little to the guy who'll be my roommate for the bulk of the trip. (But not tonight--that guy hasn't shown up yet.) He seems nice enough. He's from England and his name is James. It's 3:00 in the morning for him. I'd be dead.

It's 10:10 for me and I'm about to get on in to bed, seeing as this is probably the only night I will get a full nights sleep on this trip. Our schedule is CRAZY.

I leave you with a picture of me looking creepy and sleepy in my hotel tonight.

OH! And, P.S., I IZ has a plan fur bloggn even wit liddle internets time. Sry. I dint meen to start typn in lolspeek.

I can blog on the bus in Text Edit and snap pictures and whatnot, then when I have a teensy bit of internet time, I can just copy and paste to put in on the internets for you. Hooray!

I has a iPhone

2008-07-25T08:20:00.002-04:00

Hmmm. I'm not sure how it's going to be, blogging from the iPHone. It'll do in a pinch.

Let me see if I ca add a picture from the phone. Well, that didn't work. I'm sure it can work but I temporarily give up.

Typing on this thing is kind of annoyinv, but other than that I love it. I mean, I have pandora.com in my pocket! And it has one of those awesum apples on teh back!!!11!!!

Good morning and Random

2008-07-13T08:21:00.002-04:00

Brace yourself for babbling and typos.

I like the hot weather this time of year but I don't like how people keep taking off for vacation and stuff and it gets more difficult to keep in touch with everyone.

I'm getting more and more wound up for my own vacation, which is the first week of August.

Who do I buy half-decaf? I either want whole caff in the morning or no caff in the evening. Actually, if you have those two things, you can make your own half-caff. ^&^

I put up a new song on my myspace music page. I'm happy with how the music is, particularly the second bridge. But I got lazy on the vocals consequntly they are pitchy and I had to do so much computer magic to make them even remotely listenable...

It's a Burt Bacharach song. The Bomb Shelter are doing a 60s challenge and basically Burt Bacharach was the only good thing about the sixties.

Next we're doing a 70s challenge, then an 80s. I hope it stops there for a while because I'd be hard pressed to find a song I liked in the 90s.

Obviously, I stopped bleaching my hair. I also mowed off all that was still white. I wanted sideburns and you can't really get sideburns that white. They'll only get a sick yellow color. I didn't want to tleave them brown with white hair. I'm a monochromatic hair color kind of guy.

I went to a wonderful retreat yesterday for Christian Artists, put on by HisArt. Our host was the sweetest woman who had us all over to her studio (she's a painter and sculptor) and did a teaching on what it means to be an image bearer for God.

We had some quiet time in the woods, where, with the help of God, I finally made peace with the fact that I hate the woods. I mean, I like to see them. I'd love to be in a plush climate controlled room on an overstuffed sofa with great huge windows that look out over a view of woods and a big plate of brownies on the coffee table. There I could enjoy an encounter with God. But when I'm actually there with the dirt and the bugs and weird sounds that are certain to mean snakes nearby I just itch all over and can't really get quiet inside.

We also did our own clay sculptures which she is going to glaze and fire for us. I'll be sure to post pictures when I get my strange little thing back taht I made.

This morning, Church. This evening, probably Kings Dominion. Tomorrow, long busy day full of activities that don't involve hairdressing. I should bring my camera and do a trip report.

AT&T failed.

2008-07-11T08:36:00.004-04:00

I went this morning to pick up an iPhone.

I went to the AT&T on Libbie because there's an Einstein's there. I got there at about 7:00 and there were only a couple of people out front so I had a leisurely bacon, egg and cheddar bagel and coffee. Very leisurely. I wasn't really interested in standing around in line forever.

When I walked outside, there were news people there getting ready to interview line-waiters. There were only about a dozen people outside the door. So the news guy was saying, "...and the line strrrrretches aROUND the building," as if there were a mob of screaming freaks over there. I waited until he was done because I didn't want to be on camera. When he finished filming, I walked around the corner of the building where the line was "stretching." Yes, indeed. There were at least another twelve people there. Whoop-de-doo.

So I joined the line and made small talk with a couple of the other guys in line. The sun was coming up and I was beginning to roast. It wasn't the heat, of course. It was the humidity.

We soon began to move toward the door. Then we stopped to roast some more. A very corporate-looking man in a white shirt came around with a clipboard asking everyone which model phone they wanted. Apparently, everyone (including me) wanted the 16G phone in black. I was about 30th in line and it seemed they only had 29 16G phones in black. So I just got out of line and came home.

ANTICLIMAX!

Ummmm...

2008-06-29T21:56:00.003-04:00

I just read over a couple of my recent blog entries. I think if people don't know me and read this blog, they will think I am the scariest whacko and should probably be locked up.

Fine.

Last night I had dinner with Jesus at Five Guys. I asked him if he likes cheeseburgers. He said he has never had one because there was no such thing when he had a body of flesh. "Poor Jesus," I thought. His laughter was nearly audible.

We went on to discuss more serious things. I was recuperating from one of those crisis situations that last about 3 hours and 45 minutes and then everything's fine. He was telling me all these great details about my life. I find that the more open I am with him and the more I let him in, the more detailed he will be with me about various things. Not necessarily the things I want details about, but details nonetheless.

One of the things we talked about was what great friends I have. In the midst of this crisis I was having, I called a couple of people to just sort of heave all of my frustration onto. Everyone that I talked to just listened, for the most part, and shared in my anxiety. Within a couple of hours, I had sorted through some things and taken some action and was in a very different place with everything and the crisis was fading and I had learned a lot of stuff really quickly.

I used to be friends with some people who couldn't just listen and share with me. They would try to fix my problem, usually by fixing me. They would try to teach me how to handle problems, starting with correcting everything that was wrong with me. That would piss me off and then on top of the original problem I'd have a problem with the people I'd gone to for friendship. They thought they were helping me by "challenging" me to rise above a situation or to do what they would do in a situation. When someone is already having a crisis, they don't need a challenge.

So now God has blessed me with some amazing awesome friends who allow me to be human and to share in their humanity. I love that I can just have lunch without it being a lesson in something. I love that I can freely speak my mind to people who are willing to identify with me in both my stupidity and later in my learnedness. These are seriously the best of friends. And I have a BUNCH of them.

Mah Donkeh!

2008-06-20T10:01:00.003-04:00

I recently got a painting back from the girl who painted it. I've had it since last year, but she wanted to put it in a show for a month. I missed it terribly.

Anyway, today, I noticed that I totally coordinate with it, purely by accident.

I guess I should have gotten closer so you could see that donkey's eye is the same color as my tee shirt.

Actually, I don't know for sure that it's a donkey. It's called "Equine Eclipse" so I guess it could be a donkey, a pony or a baby giraffe.

What do you think?

More car drama.

2008-06-08T12:57:00.002-04:00

Yesterday morning, I set out to run a bunch of errands. I needed some stuff for work, some groceries, some Target time and I wanted to look for some good summer shoes.

I bought the beauty supplies first, since I figured that would be the least fun and I was saving the Target time for last since I didn't need any perishables from the grocery store. I chose to use the southside suburban sprawl for a number of reasons, not the least of which was that I needed to do a drive-by of a place I have a thing at later this weekend.

Alas, when I came out of DSW, I was empty-handed. I hate shopping for shoes. Because they are so expensive, I want them to last forever. But somewhat reasonably priced shoes (which still seem expensive to me) are always so trendy and have a certain throwaway quality that I know they won't last 3 months. I want shoes to last years.

As I made my way out of the parking lot, I noticed that my steering wheel felt funny. When I turned down the new Joy Electric CD that was blasting, I took note of a peculiar groaning sound that my car made whenever I turned the wheel.

Remember, friends, that I just barely have recovered from my last "car strange noise" fiasco that ended up costing $500. I decided to head straight home, skipping my drive-by and sadly skipping Target. The grocery store was on the way home, so I figured I may as well stop there anyway, rather than just have to walk the mile or so to and fro later on.

When I came out of the grocery store, I noticed a greenish river flowing from beneath my car. All I could think was, "Well, sh**. How much is this going to cost?" The car started fine, but when I tried to pull out of the parking space, the steering wheel just didn't want to move. I knew that there was such a thing as power steering fluid and surmised that the stuff trickling, nay, flowing from beneath my car must be that.

The drive home was an excellent shoulders and arms workout. It was also a great time for spiritual discipline. I didn't even feel like I could ask God to fix my car. I mean, he knew what was up. I almost felt like praying about it would be insulting. I just chanted over and over, "I love you Jesus." I think he knew that what was really on my mind was getting my car fixed without having to sell plasma.

It seemed to me that if I had figured out as much as I had on my own that I should be able to fix it myself. I consulted the manual. The only mention of power steering fluid is that I need to have the levels checked every 40,000 miles. I still have about 30,000 to go before the next time it's due. The manual also failed to mention how one might go about checking these levels.

So against all my better judgment, I called the dealership. I even called the VW dealership I hate the most, West Broad Volkswagen, because it was closer. The good news is that their service department had already closed for the day. I know from experience that they would not have been able to see me for three weeks anyway and that a diagnostic alone costs about a billion dollars. I think I was just hoping to find out that it would be OK to drive without power steering fluid and that I could do it indefinitely until I felt like having it fixed. Deep down, I knew that would not be what I would find out.

So I consulted Google. Nothing. So I consulted Craigslist and found several technicians who made housecalls. I chose the one with the most intelligently worded ad. This one, to be exact. I first spoke with Frank at about 4:30 and by 6:15, I was on my way to Five Guys for a cheeseburger, the luxury of power steering fully restored. Both Frank and his partner (whose name I did not catch) were smart, courteous, personable and generally very good guys. I don't know if they're christians or not, but I felt the love of God around them. The fee was ridiculously reasonable. It was $15 for them to come to my house and check it out to see what the problem was. He estimated their labor at about $40 (I'm guessing that's hourly, again, very reasonable). They also went out to get the part they needed, which was about $7 and change and for which they produced a receipt. Not only that, but they really seemed to enjoy doing it. I'm all for supporting someone to earn a living doing what they love to do.

So if you live in the Richmond area and need car work done, call Frank at 804-386-4758. He said they were just getting their business started. They both have day jobs, but do this in the evenings and on weekends and seemed like they hoped to gradually work into doing this full time.

Those of you in California, I don't know if they'd come out for $15...probably not. But you could ask. It never hurts to ask. Just don't tell them I told you to ask.

I fail.

2008-06-01T09:12:00.003-04:00

I was all set to go to First Baptist again this morning. Then I felt like God was saying "Don't go." Not like the sky was going to fall if I went or anything. Just that there might be a better way to spend an hour. Maybe last week was a one-off and I'll never go back again. I wish He'd mentioned something before I had ironed a shirt. I was going to tuck it in and everything. I hadn't made up my mind about whether to put on a tie yet...

So I tried to make some brownies for our Vineyard monthly pot luck instead. It's been a long time since I made my secret passion brownies, but it was kind of like riding a bike. I popped 'em in the oven and jumped in the shower. When I got out, I smelled burning brownies. I had my easy bake oven set to "toast" rather than "bake." Dammit.

There was a 2 by 4 inch section in the middle that wasn't charred, so I had that for breakfast. OK, it was more like 3 by 6. Either way, the flavor was there, but the texture was all wrong. I give up on brownies for today.

I am rich.

2008-05-29T09:58:00.003-04:00

God has been showing me so much stuff about the man I am and stuff I'll do and who he sees me as that it's ridiculous. I'm still pretty vague on a lot of things, but the more I know, the more I know there is to know and the less I care. What hits me the hardest is that he is crazy in love with me. I know that like I've never known it before and I know I'm not still fully getting what that means. I feel a little narcissistic saying that, but really, no. Because God loving me is not about me. It's about him. And the most personal thing I know about him is that he loves me crazy.

So lately, I've been feeling like he's calling me to explore. Since I came back to church about 8 years ago, I've stuck with non-denominational(ish), evangelical small churches. Two of them, to be exact. Both have been wonderful in some ways and problematic in some ways. This is human life, whether Christian or not. I personally am wonderful and problematic. I can't expect any more or less of anyone else who's still wearing skin.

Last week, I noticed the Lord leading me to visit a Baptist church a couple of blocks from where I live. I just kind of kept noticing it and then talked about it with some people who told me about their website. When I looked at the website, there were a couple of things that just said, "Robbie." For example, the pastor posted an essay he'd written about how he was brought up Presbyterian (as I was), later went in a more charismatic Pentecostal direction (as I have) then ended up at a Baptist seminary (as I'm about to). I just thought I would probably like to hear what this guy had to say.

I saw they had an 8:30 AM service on Sunday, so I'd be able to go be a Baptist for an hour and still make it to my regular church on time.

Sunday morning came and I got myself up and ready and was off. I normally go to a Vineyard church, which is pretty casual. The pastor often wears jeans; that kind of casual. It's been a while since I attended a big denominational church (although the Vineyard is getting there...) but I was guessing ties would probably be de rigueur. I think my reluctance to wear a tie planted the notion in my head that an 8:30 AM service would probably be a little more casual. Choosing to go middle-of-the-road, I wore chinos, loafers and a button up shirt which I neither ironed nor tucked in.

It was sunny and crisp, making the three block walk as exhilarating as a three block walk can be. Approaching the building, I was wrapped up and drawn in by a sense of age and establishment that reminded me very much of my Presbyterian upbringing. I approached the first man I saw and asked him which way to the sanctuary, as I had come in the back door. I noticed that he was wearing a suit and tie. I assumed he must be an elder.

As I approached the sanctuary, I kept seeing more men in suits and ties. Women were in dresses. Not skirts. Dresses. Dressy dresses. Hose and heels and matching purse dresses. Feeling significantly less fresh and attractive than I had felt just ten minutes earlier, I chose to slink up the stairs to the balcony that Mr. Probably Not An Elder had shown me. I was hoping to be less conspicuous. Well, coming in the back door had led me to the entrance at the front of the sanctuary where the service was beginning. It was a big U-shaped balcony that covered the whole room, so basically, I was making an entrance visible to the entire congregation. The sanctuary was slightly less than half-full, so approximately 8,000 people were looking up at me. OK, more like 250 and most of them weren't really looking at me, but still... I felt like a slob.

I'm skipping a lot in order to cut to the chase:

After a hymn and some announcements and a testimony and an offering, the pastor began his sermon. He spoke basically just for me as far as I was concerned. The presence of God was almost smellable in that place and as the teaching out of Matthew began, I knew for certain that it was Jesus who had led me there by the Holy Spirit.

He taught the bit about how you can't serve two gods, because you'll love one and hate the other. You can't serve God and mammon (money). He unpacked how it flows into the next verse about not being anxious and how so often we look to money to satisfy our anxiousness. At that point, my own heart was revealed to me and I saw how I had been slipping into that old trap for about the 80 millionth time. I physically felt the burden being lifted and was full of thanks to God who is my caretaker.

When he continued on to the part where it says not to be worried about what you'll eat or about your body and what you'll wear, I felt another string of my heart plucked. I felt so stupid for being concerned about my wrinkly shirt in the presence of God. As I rested again in the truth of my acceptance, I began to feel like Jesus was sitting next to me. He was wearing cutoff cargo shorts, $2 Old Navy flipflops and a Depeche Mode tee shirt. I snickered. I always somehow knew the Lord liked Depeche Mode. He said to me, "What? This is my house. I can wear what I want." He went on to say that everything the Father had given him, he gave to me, ergo it's my house too so I shouldn't feel intimidated into dressing any way other than how I dress.

The service wrapped up pretty neatly and I headed home after shaking hands with a couple of very nice older gentlemen who probably thought I was there for the Clothes Closet and Showers ministry to the homeless. I didn't care what they thought at that point. I nearly skipped home, had another cup of coffee and changed clothes to go to the Vineyard.

At the Vineyard, during the first song, I saw Jesus sitting next to me again. I think he must really like me. Anyway, now he had on a very conservative suit and tie. His hair was parted on the left and plastered to his head, probably with Dapper Dan. Yes, folks. Jesus is funny.

As I continued to worship, thinking about how he looked just as out of place at the Vineyard in a suit as he had looked at First Baptist in cargo shorts, I saw him again. Now he was wearing a 70s powder blue tuxedo complete with bell-bottoms and a ruffled shirt. I began to laugh out loud. He just sat there looking as serious as anything with a Bob Newhart straight face on. (Thanks, Janet.)

The chorus of the song we were singing goes

How I love you, great and mighty King
You are faithful, through the ages
You never change

As we sang "You never change" I heard him say, "But I change my clothes." I looked again and he was wearing a pink tutu and red Chuck Taylor high tops. Now I guffawed. "Will you stop messing around? There are people trying to worship You. Get on the throne of glory, for crying out loud!"

Then I began to see him dancing around the room, clothed only in robes of light. The Bob Newhart face was gone and replaced with an expression of purest joy. Angels crisscrossed the ceiling of the room in all kinds of geometric formations in time with the music and under the direction of his desire.

As all of this was going on, I took note of the fact that over half the room seemed to be otherwise engaged, whether in conversation or noshing on a bagel or just sort of zoning out in general. Jesus was undeterred. The fact that we had assembled in His name was enough this morning, whether we were all paying attention or not. He loves us all so much.

A couple of days ago, I felt that nagging worry about money begin again as I thought about all of the things I needed to pay for with it. Bills, tuition, food, drum machines... I quickly squelched all of those thoughts. The reality is that I'd rather have Jesus in a tutu than any of that stuff and that is something that money will never buy.

Coming Attractions

2008-05-28T10:48:00.003-04:00

I just started my next "official" blog entry and it's starting to look a bit like a novella. It'll be a work in progress for a day or two, probably, but will hopefully be worth it. In order to whet your appetite, I would like to inform you that my next blog entry may or may not contain:

gossip
slander
a story about me being in love with a man who wears a tutu

I also have to write up a short trip I took to Kings Dominion on Memorial Day.

Stay tuned.

2008-05-20T17:47:00.002-04:00

Earlier today, my neighbor asked if she could borrow my plunger. She then had questions about whether or not she should call maintenance or just plunge it herself and see if that worked. I was on my way out to see a client, so she said she'd return the plunger later. As if reading my mind, she said, "Sorry for the awkwardness," as she retreated into her apartment to, um, plunge.

I'm well past being sick, but I'm sure I don't seem that way to my neighbors. I wake up in the middle of the night every night, coughing my head off. I'm down to about 3 or 4 major coughing fits a day. The 2:00AM fit will surely be the last to go. Pollen hasn't been so bad lately and I'm thinking of going for a short run here in a few minutes. That will either help immensely or just kill me dead. Either way.

A friend of mine just got back from Lakeland. She prayed for me last night at RiHOP. She said I was her guinea pig to see if she'd gotten some special anointing or something. I told her I didn't notice the difference. I think we decided that that was a good thing.

My thoughts on the Lakeland Healing Outpouring in a nutshell:

It's just a big party, that's all. God likes a party. I think He's having a blast down there. I hope that it will change some people's lives and in fact, I'm sure it will. Partying with God will do that.

But it is also sure to bring the weirdos out of their holes. I've already spoken with a few people who act like that's the only thing God is doing in the world today and it is the most important thing that has ever happened. "Bigger than Toronto," and stuff like that. You cannot judge the work of God by the size of the goosebumps on your arm. I know lots of people who absolutely love Jesus and have never heard of the Toronto Blessing or this Lakeland whatever-they're-calling it.

Still, I'd kind of like to go down there...Actually, I wish I could have been there for the first week. By now, I'll bet there's weirdos lined up for miles. And by weirdos, of course, I mean my beloved in the Lord.

Sick/Well

2008-05-11T12:27:00.002-04:00

Late Friday night, I started getting a headache. By Saturday morning, that ache had basically taken over my whole body. Advil didn't touch it. I had no energy and I was generally confused, moreso than usual. I slept on and off almost all day, forcing myself to stay awake through the late afternoon/evening so that I would at least feel a little like sleeping at night.

At 10PM, I crawled into bed fully dressed in sweats and pulled every blanket I owned up over me. There were two layers of down involved, yet I shivered. In about 10 minutes, the shivering settled down, then my face started feeling hot. Then I was on fire. Fire cooled, I felt sort of normal, then shivering resumed. I would have been tossing and turning trying to sleep, except that everything hurt so much I couldn't move. I managed to drift off.

When I first woke up, I was fully expecting health for some reason. I was also confused by how dark it was, as I felt I had slept until about mid-morning. It was only midnight. About the time I realized that I had only slept an hour, I realized that my head was still throbbing, and that my throat felt like it had a rusty knife going through it.

Several hours of bleariness followed. I vaguely remember a general sense of struggle. Turning over was nearly impossible. The blankets went all weird and twisted around me. Pillows weren't doing their jobs and instead made everything less comfortable. Somewhere in there, I saw the sun beginning to rise and I still felt like I might die. I was kind of hoping I would.

Then I opened my eyes and the room was as light as it would ever be on an overcast day like today. I realized the pain was gone. So were all of my clothes. I felt a little chilly, but mainly because everything was damp with the sweat of a fever breaking.

I'm still taking it easy. I didn't go to church and I'm trying to keep myself still. I'll probably be back to 100% tomorrow, though. Being sick is just so weird.

Psalm 23 Community Arts Project

2008-05-05T09:41:00.003-04:00

My church has started doing community art projects each quarter. The congregation is given a scripture upon which to meditate, then create something from our hearts as we reflect on it. This was what some of us did together for the first one.

I did the music, Sarah Szymanski did the choreography and dance performance. John and Ann Bergen did the video production.

Internet Trolls

2008-05-01T21:58:00.003-04:00

Trolls are people who like to anonymously make trouble on the internet by being intentionally obnoxious on message boards and in comment sections. I hate to admit that I am guilty of trolling from time to time. My specialty used to be playing "grammar police" on Craigslist Rants & Raves. A typical MO would be to find someone ranting about a gross injustice done to them by "the man" and my job would be to completely ignore any hope they had for sympathy and instead let them know they used "their" when they should have used "they're." Richmond's R&R has gotten too busy and nasty to keep bothering with so I've mostly given it up.

My blog's comment section has recently been trolled. At first I didn't mind it. I liked the idea that I was troll-worthy. But then lines got crossed and it wasn't funny anymore. Actually, this particular troll never was funny even before he started crossing lines. It was some of the lamest trolling I've ever seen. L A M E. And for the record, that's why I deleted most of the troll-related comments. Not because I was embarrased by them or anything like that, but because someday, if the person actually gets more skilled at trolling, he might be embarrassed to have that puny effort in public view forever.

Either way, I'm moderating my comments now. And I'm eating chocolate peanut butter swirl ice cream. MMMMMMM!

URGENT Blog posting from Robbie

2008-04-27T16:10:00.003-04:00

Someone convinced me to drink tea. Not just any old tea. It just haaaad to be oolong and it haaaad to come in loose leaf form rather than in convenient little sachets. Aaaand the tea had to come from China.

So I went to China and bought some oolong. Tikuanyin oolong, to be precise, as that is the only oolong they had. There was no tung ting. And by China, I mean the Tan A Supermarket on the corner of Broad and Horsepen.

I also got a special little cup to brew it in, since, without the bags, I'd need some way of keeping leaves from water while letting water soak the leaves.

Anyway, my first cup was a complete failure. I tried to use a method called "Karate Chop" or something and it steeped way too fast and got bitter. Also, there was a very dangerous spill that could have burned my left thumb beyond recognition.

So, not wanting to give up, I tried another cup right away using the same leaves from my first "HiiiiiYAH!" method, but I took out some leaves and tried to remove them from the boiling water faster. It wasn't horrid, but still not that great.

Just now, I made a cup using a standard measure of leaves. No more "Jin Jitsu" tea for me. I tried to peek under the lid to see how the brewing was going and I got burned by hot china which made me drop the lid and basket resulting in another spill. I moved out to my desk with it and tried to take out the basket part at my desk. Another burn another spill.

Now I'm drinking it and it's not bad. But coffee is better and has never hurt me the way tea has.

Tea, you are dead to me.

Fine Point Time

2008-04-21T16:08:00.006-04:00

Yesterday at church, one of the songs in the worship set really bothered me. It wasn't the first time we had sung it, but it is still a fairly new song to our congregation. It's called "Let my life be like a love song" and it's by Tom Slater and Brenton Brown.

Lord the love you give, you give so generously
You were my sacrifice, you gave your life for me
And now I want to give just as I've received
To live a life that shines, your love for those in need

Let my life be like a love song
Let my life be like a love song
Let my life be like a love song
To your heart

So let justice roll like an endless stream
Flowing through my life to the poor and weak
Let the things I do and the words I speak
Reveal the awesome love you have shown to me

© 2001 Vineyard Songs (UK/Eire)
CCLI #1596342
Album: Holy/Vineyard

It took me a little while to figure out why it bothered me. I mean, there's nothing really wrong with it. It's all positive thinking. It doesn't assign any wrong characteristics to God or twist scripture or anything like that. The melody's a little plain, but I've come to expect as much from CCM.

Then it dawned on me. It is not a worship song. It's focus is the singer of the song. Granted, the singer has clearly been moved by God and now deeply desires a transformed and fruitful life. The song focuses almost entirely on the man (or woman) he (or she) hopes to become, which is the makings of a wonderfully inspirational pop song. It inspires me to be more generous and to embrace the buzzword of the year that is "social justice." My wheels start turning and I start planning where I can join in or what I can do to make a difference.

But in the context of worship, there must be a shift in our thinking that takes us outside of ourselves and our situation. Corporate worship is a time for the body of believers to forget our own lives and completely be caught up in the life of Christ. During a time of worship, the only inspiration given should be to worship God. Worship is like a time of rest, a holy giving up on everything for a time. I don't want to be pulled up out of that place of restful intimacy with God and be told to go feed the hungry. I'm all for feeding the hungry, but I'm way more all for worshiping God. We can go feed the hungry after church, but I can't stand around with my arms up and eyes closed unaware of my whereabouts just anywhere or any time.

Well, theoretically, I could. But I would probably eventually sustain some kind of injury that I didn't see coming.

O. M. G. City of Richmond Again

2008-04-16T11:03:00.003-04:00

If you've read my blog for long you will surely remember the saga I had trying to obtain a business license to work in the city.

In a nutshell, I made several trips to city hall which is a terrific pain all on its own. Each time, I was sure I had all I needed and each time, I was told I needed one more thing. One of these things someone told me I needed was a zoning permit which cost $100. After squabbling a bit, I finally gave in and paid it.

So I finally had all that stuff together, but was in the middle of incorporating. Now I'm really all together so I called the city to find out EXACTLY what I would need.

First I got a girl who spoke so fast with such a fake inner city accent that I could scarcely understand her. She did not answer my questions, but instead took me step by step on a tour of the internet to show me where the department of finance FAQ was. I don't think she knows what FAQ means.

I hung up and scoured the FAQ, knowing that I would not find the A's to my Q's because they are surely not F. But Danielle didn't even want to hear my Q's; it must have been time for her break.

So I called back and spoke with Lisa. I began by telling her that I had already seen the FAQ and that I still had questions. "I'm a hairdresser. Is that considered professional or personal services?" Of course it was considered professional. Professional had a higher tax. Then I explained that I was renting a space in an existing salon. That's when she delivered the punchline.

"You don't need a business license."

After I died, I explained to her that several others had told me that I did. She said, "I don't think so but let me check..." She put me on hold and when the line picked back up, it was some guy's voicemail. I couldn't understand what he said because it was muffled. I left him a message anyway, explaining everything.

He will never call me back.

I'm tattling again.

2008-04-14T08:31:00.002-04:00

I don't know why I like telling the world when I've been done wrong...I don't really think I have a victim mentality (somebody who loves me, please tell me if I do). I guess I just think it makes a good story.

Today's villain is First Market Bank of Richmond, VA.

Last week, I got my car tax bill. In fact, I think I blogged about it. I always forget to pay my car tax bill and end up paying it late and incurring a fee. So this year, I didn't even lay the bill down anywhere before I got out my checkbook and wrote a check to cover it, stamped it and sent it right out.

I don't keep much money in my personal checking account. The way I see it, until it goes in there I don't have to pay taxes on it. I have three accounts with First Market and can easily transfer between them via the magic of the internet, so I don't usually worry about it. I just happened to forget writing this particular check, which was for around $167.

So later that week, I ran out of cash and kept forgetting to get more, choosing instead to swipe my debit card. Do you see where this is going? On the 9th, I became overdrawn. Three items went through that day. My car tax check ($167), Lunch at Zuppa ($11), and a cup of coffee at the Black Hand ($2). The car tax check is listed first, and it overdrew my account by $6, causing the other two transactions to be considered overdrawn as well. Let's do a little math. If the lunch and coffee had gone through first, I wouldn't have overdrawn until the third transaction. The car tax check bounce is definitely my fault and I have no problem paying the $32 fee since it was my neglect of transferring funds from another account that caused it. But I felt that being charge $32 each for the other two items was unfair, since it was all in the same day.

I didn't panic. I thought surely the people at the bank were reasonable. They're always so nice when I go in to make my deposits. So I rang 'em up. First, Amanda told me they were too busy right then for her to look into this and could she call me back later. I didn't think that seemed odd until I had hung up. What were they busy with? Customers that mattered to them? What was I?

So a little while later, Amanda called back to tell me that they could remove one of the fees, as though that were a sweet courtesy. To me that was one fee too few. I forgive you, First Market Bank, but forgiveness doesn't mean I have to stick around.

As it turns out, I've just incorporated and that requires setting up a different kind of account than what I had as a sole proprietor. I was going to have to open a new account and close the old one anyway, so I'll just be opening my new one at another bank. I don't have any delusions that they'll miss me or anything--I'm much too small-potatoes to be missed by a bank. But I just feel like the magic is gone now and since I'm not married to any institution, I'm free to leave.

(Honestly, if not for the timing of my incorporation and all that, I probably wouldn't have considered leaving. But it adds a touch of drama to the end of the story this way, doesn't it?)

For future reference

2008-04-12T11:53:00.002-04:00

I don't like most cards. I seriously look at them and throw them right in the trash, often while I'm still at the post office. If you think you might like to send a card to me, by all means, go to the card store and find one you'd like to send. Then turn it over and see how much it costs. If it's $2.95, round up and put $3 in an envelope with a note that sums up what the card said. I'll be so much happier.

The exception, of course, is if it's an amazing card like the one Faith sent Janet with the little cowgirls on it or the one I sent Janet with the freaky lady on the front. Wait--I'm seeing a pattern here...Janet gets amazing cards. So send her cards. But send me $3 instead.

The card grinch has spoken.

God is Hilarious

2008-04-11T09:12:00.006-04:00

So I was out running this morning. I'm really trying to get back into it. It totally obliterates pointless stress, increases my overall energy level and improves the quality of my sleep. I know it does a lot of other good things, but these are the benefits I recognize most from my own experience.

As I ran, I prayed and pursued God on his thoughts about leadership. It's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. I have heard a call to leadership in several different ways and have dipped my foot in the water a couple of times. My top concerns are a)where God wants me to lead and 2)how God wants me to lead. All I've really learned for sure is that leadership doesn't always happen where we think it will and it won't necessarily look like we think it will look.

I have tried leading in the wrong place. It became a job that I dreaded. I've tried leading in the wrong way. Nobody listens. Actually, I think you can lead in the exact right place in the exact right way and nobody will listen. But at least you know that what you do is pleasing to God. I didn't have that in the places and ways where I was. And if you don't know that what you do is pleasing to God, you need to do something else.

So I was mulling a bunch of stuff over in my head. At times I wondered if I was full of beans. At times I wondered if I was being rebellious. At times I recognized the ways that I've been hurt by poor leadership in the past and I offered up forgiveness and asked for healing. As I returned to my back door, I saw these things lying by the dumpster and God spoke to me:

They were not there when I set out on my run, and I wasn't gone that long.

Many who read this will not understand the bit about the oven mitt, but suffice to say it's the first thing that caught my attention and told me that the Holy Spirit had ordained this moment and wanted to confirm his presence. If you really want to know, I'll explain to you why the oven mitt would mean this to me, but only in person and you must be sitting down.

The pliers meant to me that God is tightening up my heart on this matter so that I will be sure in the things to come and will not be wobbly about what it is that he is calling me into.

The flashlight said to me that he is showing me the way, as he always does.

As I look now, I see even more stuff. I take note of the fact that the flashlight is green (verdant, anyone? lush and rich? growth?) and that the mitt is blue. One of the symbolic meanings of the color blue is holy service.

The more I think about it, the more amazed I am.

A "New" Place to Hear My Music

2008-04-09T18:48:00.004-04:00

I was trying earlier to update my myspace page with some newer songs along with the Songs of Song of Songs EP that most of my friends got for Christmas. Myspace was being dodgy (imagine that...) so while I was waiting to get another error message, I wandered over to my old PureVolume page. It still had a couple of little short ditties I had done for a friend's radio show back in about 2004. I added some new pictures and uploaded Songs of Song of Songs. So if you haven't heard SoSoS, now is a great time to check it out!

I'm thinking I might upgrade to the pro membership so I can post more songs. The free membership only allows for 4. Right now my myspace only has one. I think myspace allows for six, but after deleting the older ones that I intended to replace with fresh new ones, the site freaked out and won't upload new ones. ^_^

Hooray!

Back to Leadership

2008-04-09T08:11:00.005-04:00

I wish I could organize my thoughts more quickly on things like this...forgive my wandering.

Leadership, at its core, is servanthood. Good leadership says, "I've been down this road, or at least I'm familiar with this type of terrain and I want to help you make it to the other end of the journey as well."

I don't think it always needs to be directly applicable to the leadees situation. I've never painted a picture. But I have written a handful of decent songs (along with a bucket full of terrible ones...) so I understand a little about the creative process and could in that way effectively lead someone who was just getting started at painting.

At times, though, specifically similar experience can be of great value. I was struggling with some issues of being Christian and being single and having a very difficult time. The people I was going to for counsel didn't seem to be understanding where I was coming from. "We've been there," they'd say, and then proceed to discuss thoughts and feelings that could not have been any farther away from what I was thinking or feeling. One day it dawned on me that all of these guys had gotten married in their early twenties, some of them even younger. Not only that, but they had all kept sexually pure prior to marriage. I was thirty and had a promiscuous background. Being thirty and single is a very different experience from being twenty and single. And having flung open the door to sexual temptation for over a decade is a very, very different thing than having remained chaste until marriage. They were only able to lead me to a certain point.

*sigh* I have much more to say about this, but unfortunately I have the attention span of a gnat this morning.

To be continued.

As the driven snow.

2008-04-08T20:03:00.005-04:00

I want white or gray hair. I don't know why. I have wanted it for a long time but I've never achieved it. I turn other peoples' gray hair brown all day. But turning my brown hair silvery white has always been outside my reach. But now I've found a product that I think will get me there. Thanks, Tish. Thanks, Snooky.

I'm in agony right now. It feels like each individual hair is trying to escape or something. The package says it could take up to two hours. I'm not giving up.

I took a couple of pictures with Photobooth and a friend of mine in California made an animated gif. All of this in the last 5 minutes or so. This is what the internet is for.

Leadership

2008-04-07T08:49:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking a lot about leadership lately and I just thought I'd share a few of my thoughts on the subject and also how God seems to be leading me.

Wait, there's no time right now.

BRB.

Title that sums up the whole thing.

2008-04-06T08:56:00.006-04:00

I just realized that the morning session starts at 9:30. I thought it started at 9:00, so I came on over at ten 'til, so proud of my punctuality. The only non-workerbee person in the room was Kasey, and I'm assuming that she made the same error, or maybe she wanted to hear the worship team do their soundcheck. The workerbees were shuffling chairs around and I didn't want to be in the way so I came out into the lobby to blog.

I guess I could help shuffle chairs, but I don't really feel led to do that. I think maybe God has a purpose for the people who are shuffling the chairs and I would wreck his plans for them if I helped. Actually, I'm just lazy but that other stupid stuff really does go through my head. Lord give me a servant's heart. Just not this morning because I don't feel like it. Thanks.

I laughed last night. Really hard. So hard I fell on the floor. It went on and on. It wasn't so bad when the music was good and loud, but a couple of times it got quiet and I would try to stifle it a little, but it just came floating out anyway.

Later the guy leading the meeting (Ken Tombley) was orchestrating a corporate wail. He had been teaching about suffering and we as a group were all going to wail as an expression of something. I didn't quite catch all of what he said, but I got it anyway. I was cackling the whole time, except when it came time to wail. My first wail came from about my knees. My second wail came from my toes all the way up. The third came from beyond myself. Then I fell on the floor laughing.

Worshiping God is so much better than drugs. Knowing him is better than anything.

This is my mad face.

2008-04-02T11:53:00.005-04:00

For those of you who know about my car repair, I just wanted to share my praise with you. It turns out the bill was not $500 like I thought it was going to be. It was only $499.36! Hooray! I'm so blessed. I'm going to give that 64¢ to the church.

So then I went to the post office. The only thing in my box was my City of Richmond personal property tax bill. When will it end?

Thieving bastards!

Non-Celebrity Sighting

2008-03-22T20:47:00.005-04:00

Brian just got back from South Dakota and while at the airport there, he saw J-Lo's cousin, Buffalina Lopez. I asked him what she was like and he said, "Well, Buffa-Lo seemed a little sad that someone had cut off her head and hung it up in an airport gift shop."

Wouldn't you be sad, too?

(Was that funny or just stupid?)

No, seriously. This one is boring.

2008-03-17T09:45:00.003-04:00

I'm finally caught up on Lost. I'm sort of let down, because I think I had some big finish in mind. But I guess catching up is not equal to finishing. That's a metaphor for life if I ever heard one.

I finished up my bit for the Psalm 23 art project at my church. I don't know if I'm happy with it or not. I'm pretty sick of it, to tell you the truth. I took much too long on it. I would have preferred it to be more minimalistic and electronic and it's really neither particularly. I'll try again next time. Now the whole project is in the hands of our dancer, Sarah and our videographers Ann and John.

Today I'm doing sound for a watch at RiHOP and then doing laundry. I also have to run by the post office to mail some stuff I sold on eBay.

Well, I guess we're all caught up. See what I mean?

Craigslist

2008-03-05T19:35:00.003-05:00

What an amazing ten minutes it's been.

First my friend Brian called and I always like talking to him so that was nice. When we got off the phone, I noticed that it was exactly 7:30. I remembered I had something to do but had forgotten what it was. Some dumb errand--oh yeah. I remembered.

Yesterday morning, I listed my two old humidifiers on the free section of Craigslist. They were in good shape, but I have upgraded to a model that doesn't need a new filter every 4 weeks so these had to go. I didn't want to wait around forever for somebody to come and buy them because they were taking up precious space in my small apartment. I figured giving them away was a quick easy way to put them to good use and not waste 2 perfectly good humidifiers into the dumpster.

Within 2 minutes of posting the ad, the emails began to pour in. At least 40 the first 2 hours. Once I had replied to the first guy to attempt arranging a meeting time, I was tempted to take down the ad, but in my experience with Craigslist, people sometimes just don't show up. How can they do that? I wish I could be that free as to make arrangements to meet someone somewhere and then just not go because I don't feel like it right then and it's someone I'll never have to answer to. I have to wonder if it's possible that a last minute calamity fell upon each of my no-shows during the moments as they prepared to come out and buy whatever I was selling or to sell whatever I was buying...

So instead of taking the ad down, I emailed the guy again, hoping to get a really-truly kind of promise from him that he'd show up so I could take the ad down and stop my blackberry from blowing up with stories of why people need free humidifiers. I promise you, that would not make a very interesting bathroom book. I didn't want stories anyway. I just wanted people to come and get them. But no. They needed directions to where I live so they could tell me their work schedule for the whole week and how they needed a new humidifier because the one in their iguana room had just gone kaput and blah blah blah. They needed to know what the model numbers were and what filters they would need etc etc etc. Kill me now: I just want the space behind my couch to be free of clutter again.

He emailed back saying he didn't know if he could come by after all and that I should give them to someone else. So I emailed the next four people saying that the humidifiers were still up for grabs. I got in from work that night and halfway waited around (I mean, I was doing stuff at home) all night but no one came by at all. So this morning, I edited the ad to say that I was not going to make any more arrangements with people to meet me. It said something like, "I live on the corner of Stuart and Mulberry. Tonight at 7:30, I'm going to walk out my front door carrying two humidifiers and I'm going to hand them to the first person I see who wants them. If no one is there, I'm going to walk around the back and throw them into the dumpster."

So when I got off the phone with Brian and remembered I had something to do at 7:30, that's what it was. I gathered up the humidifiers and headed down the hall. It wasn't easy. They didn't weigh much, but they were awkward. They didn't stack well. They kept sort of slipping apart.

I walked out the front door. There was a car on the corner in front of a hydrant with it's parking lights flashing and a young girl leaning seductively on the hood. I sort of moseyed as if I were about to round the corner when she spoke up. "Hey. Are you the guy with the humidifiers?" I wanted so much to say, "Nope. Not me. I mean, these are humidifers, but I'm not the guy you're looking for. I just carry my humidifiers around the block once in a while. Move along now."

So I handed them off and came in and now it's all over. But I thought it was blog-worthy. If you're bored by this kind of thing, I'll refund you the full amount you paid. But sometimes I like reading about other people's boring stuff. It makes me feel less boring. Or more normal. Or just more human, which is neither boring nor normal.

I hate Lost.

2008-02-29T00:48:00.003-05:00

But now I feel like I need it a little. It's like it owns a little bit of me. Not really, but you know what I mean.

I just finished watching the entire first season. It only took me a week. That's bad.

I watched five episodes tonight, one after the other.

I wish I had an abridged version of it that cut out all the stupid stuff. Instead of two people staring at each other for five minutes, there would be a blank screen with the words "so-and-so seems to be falling in love with such-and-who" for ten seconds and then it would cut right to the next weird thing to happen.

I need a break for a little bit. I've got things to do.

BUT DON'T ANYBODY TELL ME ANYTHING ABOUT SEASON TWO OR THREE OR FOUR.

Here's some pictures.

2008-02-25T16:28:00.006-05:00

Randy Green and a big heap of fries at The Hat.

Jac aka Joey is happy to be at The Hat.

Hector aka Charis aka Spambot is confused by The Hat.

Kris Avalon aka Kris Avalon knows well the ways of The Hat. He's the only one who had the pastrami, which is what they apparently want you to get.

Randy Green has never had fries before. He really likes them.

Randy Green and Jac wait outside my hotel door for Deanna to come back with a key that works.

I spent some time in the back seat with Randy Green and Hector.

Hector and I got close.

Two days later, we ate again at Zankou. Jac and Randy Green had McDonald's.

Later that day, Hector gave me his heart. It wasn't really his.

Jac, Deanna, Hector, Me and Randy Green's elbow crossed diagonally in Downtown Pasadena because you can do that there.

Later, we had fun at the Mac store. I was ashamed of what I had done to an iMac. Jac showed me the tip of his PhotoShop genius iceberg and I showed him how to make some noise with Logic.

Now it's all over and I cry every day that it had to end.

Except that I've gotten addicted to "Lost." DON'T ANYBODY TELL ME ANYTHING THAT HAPPENS.

I'll be home for Christmas.

2008-02-22T00:35:00.005-05:00

Actually, I'll be home for Friday.

Here I am in LAX.

"Let the music play" by Shannon is playing over the sound system. I love that song. Earlier, I was listening to "foofang" by The Other Nikmis. It's a sad tale of a certain mouse. Well, it started that way. Then it took on a life of its own and conquered the world. Just Canada, actually. OK, it only conquered my heart, but that's not as easy to do as it might seem.

I've been in the airport for over two hours and I have another hour to go. I left Atascadero early, partly fearing badly backed up traffic and partly hoping to get on a rollercoaster on Santa Monica Pier that was closed when I had been there earlier. It took me about 4 hours to drive to Atascadero yesterday. It took me over 6 hours today. I hit a little traffic in Santa Barbara and then waht was, apparently, a normal LA rush hour. It was not quite as bad as DC, but still really really bad. I could not live in SoCal. I would need for Jesus to basically pick me up and carry me kicking and screaming. But I do hope to come back and visit soon and regularly. I have so many friends here now.

Central Coast (Atascadero and San Luis Obispo) was sooooooooo gorgeous. And very little traffic. I could live there fer sher (as they say in CA). Except for all the people I would miss in Richmond. I had an epiphany earlier today. I was thinking how much I wanted all the people I love to meet and know each other. And then I realized that if all the people I loved were in one place, I would explode. And then I realized that heaven is going to be just that.

I have window seats on both planes, so I can lean and sleep on one and look at stuff from way up in the morning on the other--HUZZAH!

It is 9:57 here and I take off at 10:45. It's almost 1:00AM at home. I hope sleeping on the plane will help me adjust...

Coming down

2008-02-20T02:10:00.004-05:00

*sigh*

I started saying goodbyes last night. My first goodbyes were to my future backup dancers, Randy Green and Joey C. I interact with them regularly on the Bomb Shelter, so meeting them in person was kind of like icing on cake. We just have more to talk about on Skype now.

My second goodbyes were to a couple of Josh's friends that were only ever names I 'd heard before this week. I spent a total of 14 hours tops with them and one of them mentioned as she said goodbye that she'd probably never see me again ever. It was oddly very painful for me to think about, as I'd felt a near-instant brotherhood with both of them. I comfort myself now by believing that I will be seeing them again, probably sooner rather than later, somehow.

My third goodbyes were to Hector and Deanna, another Bomb Shelter peep and his blushing bride. Someday, Hector will come to Richmond and I'll show him what a Hardee's looks like.

I just said my last Pasadena goodbye to Josh, one of my oldest and dearest friends in the world. Saying goodbye to Josh gets oddly easier, because every time I see him, I feel like no time has passed. Also, I know that I can call him any time I can't sleep because he's up, and he's one of the handful of people that I can really connect with over the phone.

So tomorrow, I'll pack up and leave where I've just gotten comfortable. Inertia has begun to set in and I almost feel like I could just take up residence in my little suite here at the Holiday Inn Express. Almost, but not quite. I have begun to miss my Richmond family very, very much and I can't wait to get back.

But I'm not quite done with the west coast yet.

I'll pick up my car just before lunch tomorrow and drive up to Atascadero to meet someone that I've only ever messaged on myspace before. On one hand, it seems completely weird to me. On the other, I'm so aware of the fact that it's a God thing that it doesn't quite seem weird enough yet.

Those of you who pray, please remember me tomorrow as I drive up and especially on Thursday as I drive back down. I'm pretty anxious about making my way through LA's freeways, both navigating in general and being sure to get to the airport in time. My flight is at 10:45 PM on Thursday night which means I'll be in the middle of the worst traffic of the day for a pretty good distance. I really, really, really dread it.

Ware my coffepot goes?

2008-02-18T21:05:00.003-05:00

California has been a busy blast so far, which why I haven't done many updates. And by many I mean any.

I've some of the most diverse togetherness time: I've gotten to visit with one of my oldest friends, related face to face with good friends who I'd previously known only via the internet, and met some fantastic brand-new people.

I've been on six new rollercoasters, one of which will probably find itself in my top ten. I really like Knott's Berry Farm very much. It also is looking like I will make it to Magic Mountain, which was a big maybe before, so that'll up my coaster count by a few more.

I've spent some time kicking around a really nifty city and possibly had seeds planted in a new hobby/area of interest. Pasadena is overall a place where I think I could live. The oldest historic district here is called "Bungalow Heaven." We spent a little time walking around it today and I really enjoyed taking in the samenesses and differences of the houses. Some were kept very, very well and others not so much. I was going to get a bunch of pictures, but I felt a little creepy taking pictures of people's houses for some reason. Maybe if I'm ever here when they do one of their tours of homes...I don't know much about architecture, but I could probably get into it, at least a little. It'll give me something else to start looking at anyway.

On to the pictures. Just a few, though. I'm not my usual shutterbug self on this trip for some reason. I didn't even take my camera into Knott's at all!

Ok, maybe no pictures for now. Blogger has decided it doesn't feel like uploading pictures at the moment and I've just found out that Josh is on his way up to my room to begin this evening's festivities. (We're going to Santa Monica for dinner and to mess around for a bit.)

How I'm failing.

2008-02-14T21:28:00.005-05:00

To have a really successful blog, you have to have enough going on in your life to blog about, but not so much that you don't have time or energy to blog.

I have too much going on right now but I'll try to sum up.

First of all, I know I still have a trip report on SeaWorld to do. Most of you know the best part--how I got moved to tears by Shamu. But there are some good pictures and possibly my first ever attempt at posting my own video to blogger. It'll all come to pass. Just wait til I get bored.

Recently, I made a new hit song. You can find it on The Bomb Shelter's Myspace. Supplies are limited, so listen to it today, before it gets taken down. I played around with Logic's string presets. Fun!

I'm working on a new sort of experimental song for a project at church. When I finish, my friend Sarah is going to choreograph and perform some dance with it and my friend Ann is going to make a video of her dancing and edit it all together with the music and make an awesome multimedia worship/art extravaganza. I'm hoping to work out parts for some female vocalists I know to sing on it as well, so it won't just be my flat nasal drone all alone. Nicole, Kasey, Amy: My people will be calling your people. We'll present it at church and hopefully, I'll be able to get it in a format that I can put here or on YouTube or something.

I was talking with someone earlier who has a friend who's kind of trapped in legalism. Legalism totally pisses me off. People forget love and start worshiping holiness. Hellooo? Holiness didn't save your ass. Jesus did. I get partially infuriated at legalists and partially I just feel so sorry for them because I've fallen into that trap myself and I know how miserable a place it is. Legalists are praying for me now because I said "piss." You can say "ass" because that's in the Bible, I guess. But they won't be my friend because I said "ass" right next to "Jesus" with just a little period between them and that's getting close to dangerous. I might cause them to stumble or even lose their salvation, but they will pray for me. Until they give up on me. Don't give up.

Day after tomorrow, I'm flying to Pasadena, California to see one of my best friends who lives there. I'm also going to meet a bunch of people from the Bomb Shelter Forum, which is my lifeline on the internet. I wouldn't really die if it went away, but life would be a little less time-wasting-fun-filled. It's so much better than anything on TV.

Also, tonight I worked on my Chocolate Oatmeal recipe a bit more. It was the best yet, but it still needs work. Chocolate Oatmeal needs its own whole blog. Wait until I get bored and I've done my SeaWorld trip report, then I'll tell you all about Chocolate Oatmeal.

If you're trapped in legalism and you're still reading this far, please accept my apology. But please also get over yourself.

RIP mousey

2008-02-08T14:15:00.001-05:00

This morning I got up and went to a prayer meeting with some friends. We really like praying together. At church on sunday we have these little cards that people can fill out with their needs and requests and drop them in the offering bags. Then on friday, James, Jeff, Amy and myself (in order of age, by the way), get together and pray each thing, plus usually a lot of other stuff. Here's a picture of Amy, Jeff and James (left to right).

Then I went to the Post Office and found the computer I had ordered for James had arrived. Jeff and I have finally gotten James converted to Mac. So I decided to run home and see if I could find online the software James needed to run his business. Then I would go to the Taphouse (James' business) for lunch and to set up his new eMac for him.

While I was googling "spreadsheets os x," I heard a squeaking sound coming from my kitchen. Come back in time a few days with me. One night last week, while I was watching a DVD of The Catherine Tate Show and enjoying a Guinness on the sofa, a little grey mouse came scuttling out of my kitchen and sat staring at me for a few minutes. I guess he didn't think Catherine Tate was funny, so he went back into the kitchen to finish pooping behind my stove or whatever he was doing. I was conflicted, and I told him so. "You are so cute, but we really can't peacefully coexist. I don't want you chewing a hole through my cardboard can of oatmeal, but I know that is your nature and you won't be able to keep from doing it."

So I called my landlord. I don't know what I thought the exterminator planned on doing, but I was horrified when he laid out some of those little sticky traps. When he left, I very nearly took each one back up and threw them out. But I guess I was convinced that Mousey had heard what I said, understood my side of the thing and moved out.

Then today came the squeaking. I knew right away what it was. I couldn't take it, so I just left, hoping it would all be over by the time I got back from lunch. I really get choked up thinking about it. For a split second, I really wondered if I could somehow free him and spare his tiny life.

When I got home, the squeaking had stopped and I gathered all of the traps up, including the one with Mousey in it, and took them out to the dumpster. If it turns out there's more than one Mousey, I'll just have to figure something else out. I'll either get a have-a-hart trap or borrow somebody's kitteh. At least the kitteh would be a natural way for a mousey to die rather than stuck to a stupid piece of white cardboard.

I feel so gloomy about the whole thing.

Hooray! / How does this thing work?

2008-02-07T22:12:00.001-05:00

My good phone works again. The one with the camera. Look out. It won't be long before I figure out how to blog from my phone and then this will become a neverending stream of fresh pith and mystery and stupidity and brilliance. And photographic evidence of it all.

Zhi Tea Sucks

2008-02-07T13:12:00.001-05:00

I did not start a blog only to get free tea. They changed their rules at the last minute in order to exclude me. They will surely burn for this. I will never ever ever ever drink oolong tea because of the bastards at Zhi.

Zhi Tea

2008-02-07T07:19:00.001-05:00

I'm getting some for free and Nikmis is not. Why? Because his blog is Canadian. Actually, Nikmis is the one who told me about the free tea.

Rhetorical question: If one blog is capable of earning free oolong tea and another one isn't, wouldn't the tea-getting blog be considered a better blog?

Busch Gardens Africa

2008-02-01T09:25:00.001-05:00

I started out the day by waking up at 3AM and going to the airport. I was the first person there. Nothing was open, not even TSA.

Then I flew to Tampa via Atlanta.

Then went to Busch Gardens Africa, which is in Tampa, not Africa.

This is Montu, as seen from the preferred parking lot.

It would be a better picture if there was a train in it, but I was itching to get some rides so I didn't wait.

Here's the entry. The entrance area is themed to be Morocco. Check out all the tile!

After I left Morocco, the rest of the park looked kind of all the same. Here in Virginia, we have Busch Gardens Europe. Each area is themed to a different country in Europe (except for New France, which is Canada. You can't trick me). At BGE, every themed area is very different from all the others. The buildings are different, the objects d'art, landscaping, music and food all give a unique representation of the different countries the park has chosen to emulate.

At Busch Gardens Africa, they do the same thing. Except that aside from the Morocco area, all the countries kind of look and feel the same. I'm sure there are nuances that I don't really pick up on. Anheiser Busch theme parks are known for going out of their way to provide an accurate theming experience for their patrons. But all the countries in Africa to me just look like Africa. Nets and masks and tusks and all the music sounds like Iko Iko. It didn't take long to start getting on my nerves a little.

But then there were elephants!

It took me forever to get to my first ride. I was starving hungry first. I stopped in Morocco for a traditional Moroccan chicken fajita wrap with a side of fries and a pepsi, $12.88. I also got a bottle of water. It's hot in Tampa. Not quite Africa hot, but hot nonetheless.

I was tempted to get on Gwazi first because it was right by the food place. But I decided to head toward the back of the park first and work my way toward the front.

On the way to Kumba, I walked so long I thought I was halfway to Timbuktu. It turned out I was all the way there and still had a way to go.

I hadn't bothered to look at my map yet. I was just sort of exploring my way back there and following whatever glimpses of steel track I could get. If you look closely, you'll see the little streak of turquoise that was my beacon of hope as I entered Timbuktu.

Then I saw a train and my heart began to race. My first coaster of 2008 and my 107th coaster total was finally within my grasp!

Well, as you may have read before, Kumba hurt me. Not bad. I've certainly suffered worse.

Kumba was actually really good, except for the corkscrews. It was a little intense for me in a couple of places, but it had a really nice first drop and the finish was amazing.

I rode twice. Once in back and once in front.

At this point in the ride, Kumba and I were still friends. It wasn't until the corkscrews after the mid-course brake run (MCBR) that the abuse began. I have forgiven you, Kumba, but that doesn't mean that I have to keep you in my life.

Next up was Shakira.

Actually, I'm not sure if Sheikra was next. Let's pretend. Also, I didn't take very many pictures after this, because I really wanted to get all the coasters ridden. Rode? Rided?

Sheikra was very similar to Griffon. I like different things about each of them. Griffon feels bigger and gentler and more floaty, but Sheikra had a more exciting and faster finish. Sheikra's second drop also goes into a tunnel, which was very nice.

Somewhere in there, I rode another Wild Mouse coaster. Actually, it was one that used to be at BGE and was called Wilde Maus. Then they moved it to Tampa and called it Cheetah Chase. So I had actually been on it before, just 838.71 miles away. I don't really care for Wild Mice all that much. They're usually boring and uncomfortable. This one was no exception.

(By the way, this was the first relocated rollercoaster that I have been on at both its original and subsequent locations. My second one will also be this year, as Dominator (which I rode last summer at Geauga Lake) will open this year at King's Dominion. I'm sure I will document that thoroughly on this blog.)

Near Cheetah Chase, there was a Schwarzkopf Looping coaster whose name I can can't remember right now. It was pretty good. But I'm not mad for Schwarzkopfs so I only hit it once. I don't think I got a single picture of it, even. I was really on a mission by now.

Somewhere in there I got all of the rides, except for one side of Gwazi, which was not open. It made me mad, in a way, but now I have a sort of logical reason to go back some time. As logical as you get with rollercoasters, I guess.

There was a donkey,

Then I finally rode Montu!

Montel was my favorite coaster at BGA, overall, I think. I wish I had gotten more/better pictures of it. It was very pretty.

They had a tiny lizard! (On the way to the parking lot.)

Then I drove to Orlando and you kind of know the story from there.

Yay! Busch Gardens!

A Commitment to Excellence.

2008-01-29T20:34:00.001-05:00

I've been catching some flack for not updating my blog often enough to suit some people. You will hear much more than you ever wanted to know about my trips to Busch Gardens Africa and SeaWorld sooner rather than later, but I need more time to go through pictures and collect my thoughts so that I'll be sure there's no fluff. I demand quality for the readers of my blog.

That said, here's my hot new haircut:

Yes, it is kind of mohawky. Moreso than a fauxhawk and way moreso than a homohawk. I don't know how long it will last. Whenever I try to give my hair any kind of flair, I'm usually pretty sick of it by the weekend. We'll see what happens.

Clip From "The Extras"

2008-01-27T13:42:00.001-05:00

This is a very funny, very dry show. If you liked the UK version of The Office, you'd like this one, too.

Mostly, I'm just posting this scene here so that I can easily watch it on a regular basis until it scrolls down to another page.

Aaaaaand we're back.

2008-01-26T17:27:00.001-05:00

Almost, anyway.

See that tiny little plane behind me? I'm not sure that's the one taking me home, but I think it's the same kind of plane.

Today has been ridiculous.

I didn't feel so hot when I woke up, so I didn't really want to go to Universal Islands of Adventure. I planned on going to The Holy Land Experience instead. Less money and more of a walk-around kind of thing as opposed to a rollercoaster place seemed to be the kind of thing I needed.

But I couldn't FIND the place. And while trying to find it, I realized that I was basically circling Universal, so I finally just turned the car into there anyway and began the agonizing parking process. $11 and 10 minutes later, I was finally parked in the deck that was I don't know how far but probably very far from the IOA gate. Not only that, but there were hoards of people pouring in with me. It was at this moment that I realized I was going to have about 3 hours actually in the park. $70 for 3 hours of crowded fun didn't strike me as anything I wanted to do, so I cut my losses and headed back out of the parking deck.

While looking for something to eat, I realized that I was really close to SeaWorld, which A. I have a season pass to get in and B. Has amazing food and C. Has a smallish rollercoaster that I somehow missed yesterday. You see where this is going?

I'll provide details and pictures later in my review/report of the whole park experience. I was really glad I went back, though. I saw Shamu.

So a few hours and multiple toll roads later, I got pulled at security for the big pat-down, which was actually kind of nice, because I didn't feel rushed to put myself all back together. Also, the grandpa doing the search was very friendly and funny.

Now I've got about and hour and twenty minutes to kill before my flight takes off.

I hope there are no delays because I don't want to miss the birthday throwdown of the century. Shouts out, Nicole! Happy birthday!

Three Squares

2008-01-24T21:29:00.001-05:00

I started out the day with a delicious sausage and cheddar omelette. Some people I know would not have touched it, but I left none behind. Yes. I eat animals and animal products. I also had some bacon, fried potatoes and wheat toast with butter. Fried potatoes are not animals.

Then there was a worship service and three excellent teaching sessions. I can't remember what they all were on exactly, but one in particular blew heart to pieces.

Then we had sandwiches and stuff for lunch in the same atrium where breakfast had been. I had a delicious chicken salad on foccacia with pasta salad and potato salad. Though I yearned for a coke, only iced tea was available. The waitservice at this hotel is minimum. Another oddity, as I would expect more, given the outside appearance. There was an amazing chocolate cheesecake for dessert. Then I had to scrounge around for a coffee, because this hotel does not have complimentary coffee in the lobby. Um. Super 8 does.

In the afternoon I went to a breakout session on how to talk to teenagers (and their parents) about sexuality. This was taught by the same lady whose message before lunch blew my heart up. This message had a similar effect.

I took a small break in the late afternoon for a nap and some Robbie time.

For dinner, we went to the steakhouse adjacent to the hotel atrium. It's called Omaha Steakhouse. There was no road to it, though. Just an elevator. I had my favorite "steakhouse" meal of the small filet, medium, mashed potatoes and asparagus with hollandaise. It was very, very good. Filet is made from animals, I think. Sorry Amy. I ate a lot of animals today.

Then we had a long evening session, including worship and a loooooooong message. It was very in depth, and very good, but the style was difficult for me to make immediate application to my life. I give him a B. Others may give him an A. Some, a C. Grades don't matter. Later, I tested positive for asparagus.

Now my internet is about to run out. I may buy another 24 hours of internet tomorrow. We'll see. Maybe I'll just find a panera tomorrow after Sea World.

Tomorrow, I shall ride Kraken, which I hear very good things about.

Time is running out and I haven't looked at the Bomb Shelter yet! AUGH!

Coffeepot NOT in the Bathroom

2008-01-23T22:05:00.001-05:00

This place is about half swank.

It's an Embassy Suites. I like having a little living room, kitchenette and separate bedroom. I wish there weren't a TV in the bedroom and I wish I didn't have to pay 9.95 for 24 hours of internet. I'm so ashamed that I need the internet so much. People wonder sometimes how I live without television. Internet has taken its place, is all. It the same mind numbing dumbness, but with a little more interaction thrown in. And actually, you meet some real and nice people. So it's not the same at all.

This day has been insane. I woke up at 2:55AM and snoozed exactly one time. Flew to Atlanta, got jerked around by Delta, toured ATL and finally made it to Tampa. When I was getting my car and stuff in Tampa, I started feeling all hot and muggy and thought I was getting a fever and images of spending the next 48 hours dead in my free-for-the-first-couple-of-nights hotel suite went racing through my head. Then I saw a guy wearing shorts and a tee shirt and realized that I was hot because it was 74˚ outside and I was wearing a thin cashmere blend sweater and a down vest. I stopped in the breezeway and took some clothes off.

Then the real adventure began. Suddenly I had to get in this giant car that I don't know on little sleep and no map and manouvre my way to Busch Gardens, where I rode 6 new rollercoasters, some of which hurt me (details in a future blog entry). Then I made the 90 minute trek to Altamonte Springs where I did not pass go or collect $200 but went straight to the opening dinner for the conference I'm attending.

Then I checked into this semiswank suite, turned around and scurried off to the first session of the conference. I was way out of it, which may have enabled God to give me some vision or something about his church that I don't know what to really do with. I guess he wants me to pray more or something, because I don't know what to make of this. More details may or may not come later in this blog. It's not freaky cult stuff, so relax. Quite the opposite, actually.

Thankfully, the evening session let out early and I came upstairs for a shower and debated over whether or not I was actually going to pay for the wireless connection I'm using now or just skip the internet for a few days.

Skip the internet? I really thought about it. And someday I just might.

I'm about to go sleep so hard. But first, a couple of pictures:

Sunrise. No photo could do justice.

This is the biggest plane I've been on. A 767, I think.

Elephants!

Pretty, but will hurt you.

Swankish.

Security

2008-01-23T04:54:00.001-05:00

Well, I made it through. All my liquids and everything.

Here I am with the actual plane that will be taking me to Atlanta in about 50 minutes.

I foolishly thought I would be able to nap while waiting at the gate. How can I nap when free internet is available? Maybe I'll be able to sleep a little on the plane. But they always have all those little projects for you...Seatbelts, oxygen masks, refreshing beverages, on and on. It's turning out to be a busy day.

Atlanta

2008-01-22T21:10:00.001-05:00

In about 10 and a half hours, I'll be in Atlanta for my very first time. I'll only be there for 44 minutes starting at 7:46AM. I don't know what gate I fly into yet. They haven't decided. I know I have to fly out of A-19 at 8:00AM. I hope I fly into A-18. That would be super nice.

So, if you live in the Atlanta area and would like a hug, that's when I'll be there.